I've done it again.
I have persevered a straining phase in my life, taken the negative and turned it around to create a positive.
In short, I have left my first job in Japan. More accurately: I have escaped.
OK, so many people quit their jobs, why would this be anything special or even remotely interesting? Well, there is nothing average about my story.
This particular job was extraordinarily challenging from the beginning - after five days of starting in the company my colleague killed herself. It opened a terrifying Pandora's box and the aftermath that has lasted for 5 months since then has been nothing short of insane.
When starting in a new work environment a person usually has a positive outlook towards the future and some small bumps along the road are normal. What I experienced were not bumps but grand mountains, gorges and pits of furnace. At times it felt like living hell.
I was told during my first week at work not to tell any of my students or other people about the suicide that had affected the entire staff - the exception being the owner, who treated the incident as a mere annoyance to his profitable business. I was told to discreetly retreat to the staff room in case an uncontrollable sensation of sadness and tears got a hold of me during class. I was instructed not to cry in front of our clients because it would reveal that something had happened. At the time I was in such a dark mental state that I could not even comprehend the wrong that was being done there.
So there were lies. Big, massive, morally and ethically WRONG ones. At this stage I had very little respect left for the management but when the word got out and too many people knew the truth the company decided to hold a public briefing for the clients. Instead of honoring the memory of a person who had worked for the company for a year it was a sterile gathering where the owner only gave enough information to wash his own hands from the (literal) blood. The event left me even more shaken and traumatized that I had been before. It was difficult to understand how the owner had no respect for a person he had worked with side by side for such a long time - there were no tears, no remorse. He even declined to go identify the body because he was "too busy with work" and simply could not take the time to travel for such a reason.
After that I was in a haze. Looking back at it I realize now I was in a state of confusion and only functioning on automation. Making through the days was all I was capable. There was no enjoyment in my life.
But it got worse. Initially I was warned by my colleague who took her own life that the owner is a micromanaging tyrant who treats employees like slaves and turns the daily working routine into fits of terror. Unfortunately this was no exaggeration. I was being bullied by the owner - he tried desperately to mold me into an employee that would obey all his orders and whims. I was being told that I was not up to the challenge of working in a language school and that my classes were below standard. We disagreed on fundamental things such as teaching methods.
I will never forget one particular conversation where the owner told me that I have "a chip on my shoulder" as I refused to agree that his teaching method of pushing young students to the extreme were not effective. I knew he didn't like a personality such as I am: straightforward, no tolerance for nonsense, strong and independent. He wasn't able to enslave me and that was making him very angry. I felt physically intimidated though I don't consider myself easily shaken.
During that meeting I made a comment about how the brain is capable of learning new material and he stopped me mid-sentence, slamming his fist on the table and yelled "I know about the brain, Jenni!". I was speechless. It was such a surreal situation I only imagined could take place in a crazy comedy. But this was reality. It was my reality. I went home feeling desperate.
I realized it wouldn't get any better. My working life was like a prison sentence. I had signed an 18 month contract and I felt trapped after a month. I was desperate. What could I do?
Bad situations have a habit of escalating... So naturally I had nightmares regularly about work related issues and I felt like a zombie at work, just slaving away trying not to rock the boat. I was being told to "fake it 'til you make it", "give the students the impression that you care" and an abundance of other "advice" that reinforced the feeling that this particular company was the complete opposite representation of my personal values. I could not continue working for these people, selling my soul each day.
There were many things that happened towards the end as I was contemplating on my exit strategy. Or I should say many things that were revealed to me by those who had been working for the company previously - the information I received gave me little choice. So I chose the only viable way: to leave secretly. To run away. Abandoning the company and also my apartment that was rented via my employer sadly looked as the only real option. For an honest person this was a tough choice. But knowing how I would be treated if I handed in my resignation I really saw no other way. It had to be done.
So I packed my bags and one beautiful morning left my apartment. I felt giddy, nervous, free! I was running away and it was amazing!
For someone who has for months on end endured aggressive working conditions, childish behavior from the management and felt fear as well as stress continuously at the work place I can now assure you that I feel uplifted. It has been a week since I escaped and the nightmares are slowly dying. The realization that I don't have to go back to a mad house anymore is sinking in.
I am happy now.
PS. I know the company's management reads this personal blog of mine regularly so I do wish this is giving you an insight on how to treat future employees.
