Homeless?

Traveling is wonderful. You get hooked on it so easily that you feel like you never want to stop or go back home.
We've all heard the phrase "back to reality" and it's usually used by people returning to their homes and "realities" after a holiday. It's an interesting choice of words when you think about it. Wasn't the holiday a reality? Why not? Too good to be true? Why couldn't it continue? Why couldn't THAT be your reality instead of the one you're living now?

This is possibly how I first started to challenge the thought of "reality" and what it was. I had been on a backpacking holiday for almost a year with a good friend and as she needed to return home for work and responsibilities, I was fully aware that I had cut all ties back home in case I didn't want to return. And I didn't.

Throughout my first year or two backpacking I had a revelation. It's almost as if you've opened your eyes to the beauty of life: you realize there's no need to return to the "real" world of routine, boring stability or any of those familiar, mundane things that make the average everyday life. After I experienced this moment of clarity I started seeing the world in a different way. I realized that the world really IS your oyster! Instead of restrictions and limits I started seeing options, dreams, ideas and unlimited possibilities. The world changed for me.

Since those days I've done a whole lot more traveling and living abroad and have been lucky to meet other people who do what I do. We each have our different stories and ways of making it happen, but there are a few people out there who go around the globe, traveling with no apparent cause. Simply because we can.
I could get all poetic here and talk about the beauty of life, how short our time on this globe is and of the importance to stop and smell the roses - and all that is definitely a big part of why I do what I do - but I keep traveling because I know once I've tasted this life of a vagabond existence I couldn't just settle down anymore and be happy. For now, happiness for me comes from the adventures and instability. Being "homeless".

This year has been a great one already: since I finished my year in China and returned to visit my family and friends in Europe I have been happier than in a long time. Though it has been very interesting meeting new people - trying to introduce myself, who I am and what I do - and it has been increasingly difficult for me to answer simple questions that people normally ask each other, such as "what do you do for a living", "where do you live", "do you have hobbies". I'd like to think of myself as a quite witty individual so many times I've given answers like "I'm homeless, actually" or "I change jobs like underwear, at the moment I'm not working, just traveling", or even "my hobbies depend on the country I live in, really". Sometimes people are horrified when I tell them I don't have a permanent address and I even had someone offer me to come stay with them for the night because they were afraid I was literally out on the street!

I've found that many people do not "get" the traveling, rootless way of life. It seems incomprehensible to many that anyone would be wanting to live with such uncertainty and lack of security, homeless. I have been bombarded with gazillion questions and the most popular one always is "how can you afford this life style?". To be honest my way of life is not that expensive. And funnily enough I seem to have more money saved on my bank account than many of my friends who work full time to pay for their mortgages, car loans and debts... To be fair I have no material things to show for my wanderings: all I have is stored within me as memories, wisdom (hopefully) and personal growth.

I might be homeless for I have no place to call my own - nor do I yearn for it.  ...Yet I feel at home in a place filled with friends or even strange, smiling faces. I have been welcomed to different places and homes of others such as if they were my own. In this way I have more homes than anyone could hope for. I feel I have no need for the traditional "home" because I feel homey in so many different places.

Now as a new chapter in my life is about to begin I say farewell to my cozy pit stop "home" in Europe. I'm happy to pack my bags and head out for new adventures. For "wherever I lay my hat, ..."

Bù xiè xiè zhōngguó (No thank you, China)

It finally happened. My time in China finally came to an end! A whole year of novelties, tribulations and all things I never expected! But I made it. I feel no less than a survivor, that is how mentally challenging the year was.

And it has taken time to recover. Leaving China alone was such a hassle it was completely traumatizing and at a point during the journey I actually broke down crying, thinking I would never be able to leave the damn country. Quite typically the outbound journey from my little rural Chinese city towards safe Europe was a big mess. It was the cherry on top of my foul tasting Chinese year.

To quickly give an idea of what my last days were like in China, I'll only mention a few fun facts: my agency hadn't paid me for 2 months of work and I was up to my eyeballs trying to make them pay; I got an intense diarrhea (again); I was thrown a grand birthday party; I got asked to stay for a second year; I spent two weeks and was unable to buy extra luggage from an airline; I had to figure out how to transfer money abroad from China; and last but not least, what was supposed to be an easy 70 minute flight to Beijing turned out to be a horror day of cancelled flights, dirty taxi drivers, Chinglish and misunderstandings, bureaucracy, lies and heaps of stress. In a nutshell: it was a big, emotional week leaving China.

But as I boarded the plane in Beijing heading towards Copenhagen, Denmark, I felt the presence of other Scandinavians and I slowly started to relax. My stomach was a burning furnace, but as language barrier was no longer an issue, my mood (and stomach) was relieved as I was able to get lovely, Western medicine for my condition. Even the Scandinavian air hostess was so lovely I got emotional for not having to deal with cold, rude Chinese people no longer. I wept as the plane took off. The realization that every second was getting me further from the damn country was blissful: I would never have to come back.

When I finally reached home my parents came to pick me up after I had been traveling pretty much non-stop for 48 hours. Home; homeland and my little hometown had never felt sweeter and more welcoming. It was difficult to describe to my family and friends how ecstatic I was simply because there were no people screaming, honking their vehicle horns 24/7, defecating on the street, staring or laughing at my white skin... Chinese culture was finally out of my life! People I encountered now were polite, well behaved, they smelled nice and didn't need to shout to communicate - and best yet, they understood me perfectly without a translator app!

I have tried to figure out whether I was a fool to stay in China for such a long time. I kept thinking to myself at the time that it was bound to get better: surely the worst had passed and I had immersed to the way of life there. But honestly speaking I never did enjoy it completely. Surely I enjoyed certain aspects of my life there: the attention, perks of being white, relatively easy money I made, good food (to be fair I ate my share of horrible things, too) and friends I made.
I can't see myself ever returning to China. Not ever for a holiday. In all honesty: I keep seeing nightmares where I'm still in China and for some reason or another I'm unable to leave. I always wake up stressed out - but feeling so damn lucky I'm actually out of there!

Seeing Chinese people and hearing the odd Mandarin being spoken around me when I'm in big European cities has to this day given me the creeps. I can't help but turn around and stare at these Asians who are polluting the sound waves coming to my ears. I get angry as flashbacks begin to flood in my mind's eye. I obviously still have issues with all things Chinese. Safe to say I won't be planning a holiday back there - ever.

So is there something one could learn from my experience? Myself included?
I think I would still recommend a person who is interested in traveling and new experiences to go to China. Even take up a teaching job! But definitely pay attention to where you are going and ask yourself what it is that you wish to gain from your time in China. Ironically before leaving to China I got asked if I had preferences about the location and I remember saying "oh I don't know anything about China, but I want to experience the real thing so feel free to send me somewhere outside the big cities!". This turned out to be my mistake. The city where I was sent to was just too small. I was not up to the challenge of being the first white person those locals ever laid their eyes upon. The language barrier destroyed my independence - or at least the sense of enjoyment in general.

As a positive I must say the year has made me stronger. I also know better now what it is I want from life and what I will avoid; what are my values, what kind of people I feel connected to; what makes me happy.

I'm happy to build my future on that.

Goodbye China; forever!