Less is fashion: China's obsession with looks

I have mentioned earlier how Chinese people are very particular about their looks. That's an understatement which I didn't even realise in the beginning.
When I first got to China I was a bit afraid how the locals in this small city would treat me based on my looks: I had heard stories that many Westerners get commented on their weight, skin, hair and on their general appearances a lot and how for us it might sound rude and highly inappropriate. As my Chinese is slightly evolving and I understand more of what people around me say, I am getting the general feel now more than before: looks are something that people are obsessed with. I say people, but in reality I only ever hear women go on about them.

To set the appearances record straight, in the West I'm a female of perfectly average height, 168 cm (around 5 foot 6 inches) but am a few good kilos above the average weight, though nowhere near obese. Being from Scandinavia I look the part: my skin is super white and my hair is naturally (a dirty) blonde.
So to the Chinese people I look like a freak - in both good and bad.

I'm horrified to hear even the Chinese Jaws thinks I'm too big for him ;)

I remember my first day in my new home city last December as I was running around the city with my Chinese assistant and I encountered some strange and hilarious people. I especially remember getting into a cab where the Chinese driver, a man, and his passenger, a woman, gawked at me whilst I sat in the back seat and started laughing out loud heartily! My assistant told me that they thought I looked so white it was ridiculous! I smirked, no harm done. That same day I had another situation, also in a cab, when I sat in the front seat and the lady passenger in the back seat suddenly yanked my hair... My assistant was horrified and apologised to me, explaining how the lady had never seen a white person and apparently my hair looked so strange that she had to touch it, just to make sure it wasn't fake. I managed a laugh, it was so absurd!

My first week both at the kindergarten and the training centre where I work full time, the children were fascinated and somewhat afraid of me. The teachers told me I look so strange to them that some of them will need time to adjust to me. The bravest little buggers surrounded me though, and bombarded me with questions that were promptly translated to me: "Where are you from? Are you Japanese? Are you Russian? Are you a man or a woman? Why is your skin so white? Why are your eyes so big/blue/green? Why is your hair so white? Why is your nose so big? Why can't you speak Chinese" ...and on it went. I thought they were cute nonetheless, and so brave and curious to see the scary foreigner. I let them touch my hair, my face, and many of them came so close they could inspect every inch of my face carefully! This happens still regularly to this day, though the children are now so used to me that they are very comfortable around me - and vice versa.

Since day one the adults I work with were always quick to give me a compliment. I'm still not sure whether it is their custom or if it was done for my sake, being a foreigner in a strange country that needs to be made feel better. I still get told almost on daily basis how white I am, and this is the greatest compliment a Chinese person can give. At first I was always a bit sad, because obviously us Westerners would like to be tanned, so I nodded along gloomily, "yes, I'm so white". Then it really hit me and I realised they desperately want to be as white as I am, so I tried to make them feel better and informed all my Chinese friends that actually Western people want to be browner! The look on their faces were of disbelief and confusion: why would anyone want to be brown? I told them that for us white skin looks unattractive and we spend a lot of time and money to get tanned: solar beds, self tanning products, unhealthy sunbathing with no sunscreen.. I finally convinced them I wasn't joking and they were somewhat shocked by the fact that us white people, with perfect skin, would ruin that all by tanning. I've had plentiful long talks with local people about the beauty standards in the West versus China and we never seem to get no further than stating: in China white is beautiful, in West tanned is sexy. On a positive note it has made me re-evaluate why we have these strange (almost impossible) ideas of beauty and what beautiful is. Maybe we're all victims of the cosmetic industry and our society telling us how we should look. So as a result, I'm this year embracing my white skin and not getting tanned. Then again the rebel thing to do would be to get a beautiful tan and see what my friends say about that... I wonder if they would see me as beautiful anymore?

My friend reckons we look gorgeous. I reckon I could do with a tan!

As I mentioned, I'm not a small girl. And before coming to China I had gained quite a bit of weight during my travels and I was wary about this. But when I arrived here, to my surprise everyone kept showering me with compliments. It wasn't until a lot later, when I found out the word for "fat" in Chinese, that I started to hear it more. Some of the children comment on my weight, rubbing my tummy while they do. But as I see their little smiling faces full of love I know they don't mean it in a disrespectful way, so I smile at them and pat their little heads. We're friends, and I can't be mad at them. To be fair, many of the kids call me beautiful on daily basis. I don't think "fat" here is as bad of a word as we think of it in the West. But don't quote me on that one...
For instance, I had dinner with some relatives of my friend's and after a nice night the mother, in her late 50's, was smiling as she looked at me and said "oh, we look the same, we're both fat". After that she told me I looked beautiful. I was still trying to get used to the Chinese culture so wasn't sure how to take it, which meant I simply smiled and nodded along.

As I've been in China for over four months now I have made an effort to eat healthier. I am happy the Chinese diet consists of mostly protein and fat, as this means there is virtually no dairy, sugar or wheat in any of the food. And I've never felt better! The food I eat here is healthy and nutritious. As I mostly eat at work or go out with friends for meals, I have no food in the house, which has proved to be a great success: I have nothing to munch on when sugar cravings hit me late at night. As a result, I've lost weight.
Now that it's spring and we're peeling off those heavy winter layers (of clothing), people are starting to notice this. At first it's obviously complimentary: any woman appreciates hearing she looks thinner (as it means obviously more beautiful, right..). But then it can be overbearing and irritating: my assistant genuinely got scared when she realised I've lost weight: she said my mother must be horrified if she finds out and she's probably wondering whether they're taking good care of me here in China! I laughed out loud in my head: I couldn't laugh in real life because she was so painfully serious. I told her many times that losing weight is due to healthier eating habits, and I assure I'm feeling great. She insisted for several times that it's worrisome, until I got irritated and told her to please drop the matter as I'm fine. It worked and now I'm not being pestered by her.

I've always had a good giggle about this add that appears next to my work place. But now in my confused, twisted head it means one has to be smaller, alas less, to be in fashion!

Reactions concerning my weight(loss) do occur constantly : only today I had lunch at my school and the head teacher walked in, I waved at her, and she squinted, came very close to me and told me in Chinese that I have lost a lot of weight. I knew what she was saying, but I was too tired to have this conversation in Chinese, so I pretended not to understand. She then just complimented me by saying I look beautiful. I thanked her and continued my meal. But it got me thinking - again - how very intrusive Chinese people are when it comes to matters of appearances. It seems to be everybody's business how you look. The average woman in China is painfully thin: anyone who's of normal weight (to Western standards) is considered "fat". The phenomena is quite alarming to me.

In China small is not only good, but it's the only size. Have you ever thought about where the "one size fits all" concept comes from? In China especially women have to fit within one size. This can be seen everywhere. I have a couple of Chinese girlfriends who are my height, so they're considered very tall, and though they probably weigh like 50 kg, they struggle to find clothes from the shops: they told me they usually buy size XXL. I told them back in the West I usually buy size XL. They nearly dropped their eyeballs right there and then. But I can't blame them, as in this society things are done for the majority, and the majority is super tiny.
For instance, my winter boots fell apart when it was still cold a few months ago. I needed new shoes and wanted boots. Obviously no shop sells my size as I'm a whopping size 40 (EU). I decided to go and get my shoes done by a cobbler. What does he tell me? He can't make shoes that big!! What?? I was ready to throw in the towel, but my friend took me to a sports shop where they had unisex shoes and I managed to find myself a pair of winter shoes. My year was officially saved as my toes were no longer freezing. What little shopping enthusiasm I had left in me died with this experience. Shopping is now a curse word for me.

My two very good friends, both who are as tall as I am and wear the Chinese size XXL. They do look massive, eh....

Another funny example of how the country is made only for tiny people: I joined my Chinese colleagues for a day trip to an amusement park in a city called Zheng Zhou. It never crossed my mind that I might be too big to ride in any of the rides in the park - I mean, only the deadly obese people who can't walk anymore don't fit in the rides, right? But as I sat in the first ride of the day and they strapped me in, lowered the safety bar and I could no longer feel my thighs it hit me: I might struggle today! I have never been more relieved than when the ride was over and the sensation of blood pumping returned to my thighs. I decided not to tell this to my Chinese friends though, I didn't want them being overly worried or affected by this. So off we go to the next ride! It was a twister and looked awesome so I happily forgot my previous experience. As we're standing there in line chatting away happily, one of the staff members walked up to me and said I might not fit in the harness, hence I might not be able to ride. I felt so absurd! I wanted to shout out loud "Look at me! I'm not obese! I fit into every ride ever made in Disneyland!". But I waited for my turn to try if I "fit in", and it turned out I did. As I did with all the other rides in the park: though to be honest one can't be any bigger than I am, otherwise the belts won't reach or the safety bars won't lock properly. It's safe to say I had a taste of what those deadly obese people feel like when they go to Disneyland. It's not nice! But luckily a catastrophy was avoided and everyone was able to enjoy the day out. Including my big, white self!

What originally inspired me to write this post today about the importance of appearances in China was the fact that after I returned home this afternoon from my lunch at the kindergarten, where I was complimented on losing weight, I had a text message from a friend of mine saying that she "heard I have lost weight". This person works with me and regularly sees me at school 3 days a week, yet today she had to inform me via a text that someone told her I lost weight? I must mention that this is the same friend I traveled with for two weeks and when I had horrible diarrhea and was in serious agony, she nonchalantly told me how lucky I was to have this condition, as she "would be so happy to get diarrhea in order to lose weight"... That left me speechless then and still does. Are Chinese women really that desperate to get even smaller they wish to have a painful illness??

I hope I've managed to share my experiences with you properly. I don't think Chinese people are vicious or evil, on the contrary I still think they are caring, kind people. But as in the West we have our own twisted perceptions of looks, the Chinese have their own - and perhaps they're more severe in theirs.
At the end of the day, this is merely one more thing to be put down as cultural differences.

From the belly of the dragon (pun intended)...

Zàijiàn!

Ironically I think my thighs are a good size, though they barely fit in the Chinese amusement park's rides, but my friend thinks her thighs are too big! 

Fake smiles and Chinglish

It has been four months for me in China. Many strange, new and exciting things have happened to me plentifully during my time here, but I think the past week deserves special attention for it truly captures everything I love and hate about China.


In China I sometimes feel anxiety due to the fact that it's hard to communicate with other people: to understand and to be understood has turned out to be more important than I ever imagined.. Go figure! I am the only foreign teacher in our school(s) and also the first full time foreign teacher they have ever had working for them. This means that my bosses and colleagues don't have the experience or know-how to integrate me in the school world. They sometimes seem to forget that I simply do not understand Chinese and that if they do not give me important, vital information, I don't even know how to ask for it.
Due to this lack of understanding and excess misunderstandings I have found a cure: a small group of us Westerners living here get together, drink beer and vent. It's incredible how it helps to have people with the same cultural background (and language abilities) listening to your issues and understanding completely what you've been through because they've been there themselves. After a hard week it's fantastic to walk into a bar and talk normally, without a language barrier, being understood and understanding what everyone says! The best things in life truly are free.

But last week this is how my troublesome week began. I had a particularly hard week at work and so when I got to our local pub I downed a few beers. Then played beer pong with rum and coke. Then had some more beers. And I think someone had Chinese wine (equals to strong gin in taste and evil-ness) to share with the group. Needless to say I was toasted after a few hours. I had the brains to call it a night and head home to cuddle with my toilet bowl. Next morning I realised I had lost my purse with more than 2000¥.  That's a week's pay for me and usually how much I spend in an entire month altogether. So understandably I was quite upset. Addition to that my head was pounding and I experienced a two day hangover. Served me right I gather.

A golden oldie: my first day working at the kindergarten

They were as fascinated of me then as they still are!

When I returned to work I had the busiest week since starting to work here: I usually have 3 classes a day, but now they scheduled me double the amount. I did alright, until I completely lost my self control in front of some exceptionally naughty kids. I am usually patient and in control, but I found myself yelling "shut up!" to a bunch of 5 year olds. I felt so low.

Next day I was in for a surprise: my recruitment agency send me a casual message via a social media App that I'm flying to Beijing that night to get my visa sorted. My boss nearly went ballistics because in two days we were having a youth camp for the kids and I was the main attraction. I told my boss that I simply don't know how long I'll be gone, because the recruitment agency never gives me any details. Which is typical in China: if something of importance is about to happen, they will inform you around 5 minutes before it actually happens. When working, this means no heads up, no schedules, no nothing. Usually I feel like working blind folded: I know nothing no matter how much I ask for information. After talking to my foreign friends working here, I know all of us experience the same phenomena.

However, off to Beijing I went that night - without any idea when I'll return. I get to Beijing airport at midnight and the company has failed to inform me who is coming to pick me up or when. Typical. So I call them and wait for 40 minutes for my ride. I am exhausted after an already busy week at work and lack of good sleep. I get to the hotel around 2am and enjoy a few hours of sleep, which is nowhere near enough. In the morning a different person picks me up, a Chinese guy I know well and really like him, and we drive to the residency office to sort out my visa. It takes us more than 2 hours to drive there - so we sit in the traffic and make small talk. All this time I wish I could be in bed, catching up on the sleep I've lost earlier this week and which I desperately need to be able to function later at the youth camp.

The best view I got in Beijing during my half-day trip.. Did I mention traffic in Beijing is INSANE!

We finally reach the visa office and the whole thing is done in 15 minutes. I feel like the trip is a waste of time: flying in and out Beijing for half a day just to walk into an office. Sigh. After brunch I'm told that I fly back this afternoon: but since it's a public holiday and the flights were fully booked they can only fly me to the nearest city, not my home town! Luckily the school has promised to organise me a lift back home so it should be easy. So I spend another 2 hours commuting to the airport, checking in, waiting for the delayed plane and finally boarding. When I land at my destination I'm cranky due to the lack of sleep, excess traveling and sheer annoyance of the futility of this trip. And then my lift is nowhere to be found. I call my contact and she says the driver will be there in 20 minutes. OK, I sit and wait yet again. A small city, quite like mine, and I'm the only foreigner at the airport. All eyes on me. When I'm tired, stressed or annoyed, I can't stand the rude stares and the "secretly" taken pictures of me. I want to scream out. I hide my face behind my hands or a newspaper, anything. I can't stand it. Then a Chinese kid comes and starts shoving me, he doesn't want me to sit on this particular chair. Before I totally lose my head, a parent comes along and takes the child away. Everything seems unbearable. Finally I get the call, the car appears and the driver heads off with three of us passengers. I count the minutes, hoping to reach home early. And then the car has an accident.
Luckily nothing more serious than cosmetic damage to the car, but due to the insurance policy we have to wait for the police to arrive and take pictures. So we wait. And wait. 3 hours later we get the green light and can head off. At this stage it's 11pm and I've been sitting in cars, subways, lounges and airplanes for a total of 11 hours within a day - I'm fed up, I just want to sleep. I call my boss who already knows we've had an accident and have been delayed. She does the sweetest thing in a long time: she tells me that I'm supposed to arrive at the school next morning at 7.30am to get ready for the camp, but she wants me to get more sleep so I can arrive at 10am. I'm so relieved and happy I could cry!

A miracle happens and in the car there's a Chinese man who actually speaks English! He tells me we will be arriving home very late and offers to buy us all dinner. We head out to an open air restaurant and have noodels, lotus root, meat jello and meat skewers. I'm starving and it's delicious! I sit there at 11pm and am having lunch with these Chinese people who are lovely and helpful. I almost get emotional when they offer me a chair or demand that I have the last meat skewer on the plate. I'm exhausted but feel lucky to have met these people, no matter the language barrier.

I feel happy as I'm well fed and warm, sitting on the back seat of the car heading home. I'm too tired to sleep, I can only rest for now til I get back to my bed. It's pouring down, which seems befitting.

When I finally get home it's 1am and I'm so tired and weary I can barely function. Yet I have to pack my bag for the camp. I get a good sleep but wake up feeling tired: I need more to compensate on the lack of sleep this week. But as I have no such option, I have my breakfast and head to meet the camp. Luckily the camp has had a change of plans and we are actually staying in town instead of heading out for the mountains: this means less commuting, which sounds heavenly after spending the previous day doing basically only that!

The camp is intense. There are 23 kids and as I pull in and get out of the cab, they see me and start chanting my name. Bless them, they are super excited to spend the weekend with me, I almost get teary eyed. But I can barely stay awake. The morning starts with a guy in army gear lining the kids up and shouting orders. At first I play along, mimicking others, but then I'm told if I want to, I don't need to join them. Which sounds only rational, as it's all in Chinese and I have no clue what's going on. So I stand there, watching them for the next hour before someone has a clear thought and they tell me I look exhausted, so if I want I can check in to the hotel room booked for us and have a rest. Fantastic! I feel so happy, I curl up in bed and wish to sleep forever. Thank you, boss! The rest of the day I have to make a real effort. All the kids want a part of me, so I have lunch with a big group of them and they all try and talk to me. I'm happy even the pre-teens are so excited, they think I'm the coolest :D

Playing a game with the primary schoolers

Painting Easter eggs with the kids

The teaching part of the day is gruesome: obviously no one prepared me and I walk into it blindfolded again. I get handed a microphone and shown to a stage. I guess it's time for a class. It's painful to realise that what I wanted to teach and how, is now all of a sudden unclear to my assistant. She keeps cutting me off and telling me "no, we have to do this first", or "no, we are not doing that". I feel so frustrated I want to throw the mic at her face. We actually  had a meeting two days prior to the camp to discuss about these things but now it makes no difference: clearly a massive misunderstanding and also she has not told me what she wants to be done and how. It's so typical. Except for this time, since I'm standing on a stage holding a microphone in front of little shining, happy faces and doing my very best to smile. I feel like such a phony. My "smile" is so tight it must look grotesque. So what happens? My assistant takes over. I just stand there and try to keep my "smile" on. I feel like this, too, is such a waste of time. All these thoughts run through my head: "why am I here, in this classroom, at this camp, in China? What's the point of this? Where do I draw the line?". The class comes to an end and I wish I could murder someone. Luckily the hard part is done for the day. That night we finish work at 10pm and I get some decent sleep.

The next day I wake up feeling superiorly better than the previous day. I'm pumped, I want to give a 100% and make this camp the best ever! And yet, the class turns out to be just as painfully disastrous as before. I have spent good time talking to my assistant, trying to figure out before I get on stage exactly what it is that they want me to do, and how. And yet we end up in the same situation: surprise surprise, the way I was planning the class is not how they want it done. I am so fed up I let the assistant take over again. I want to bang my head against a wall. I don't know what to do from preventing this to happen. I'm even more frustrated. I realise I'm fake smiling again.

Dancing "letkajenkka" with the kids

Easter decorations in the make

But my day is totally saved by the kids. There are three different groups joining the camp: the pre-teens, the primary school students and kindergarteners. They all want to hug me, tell me they love me, ask me all these questions, hold my hand and play with me. You can not but love all these kids! I am still tired but also having so much fun with them. They work so hard and face a lot of pressure from their parents to exceed, to do better and better and yet better. Everyone wants to be number one, the very best.
They say that Chinese parents will give everything to their child(ren) - and it's true, but it comes with an awfully high price. I saw a boy fall down crying, sobbing in a corner for an hour because he thought he didn't do well enough at the camp. Another boy whose English was improved during the camp, was shy to speak because he was told by his parents that he needs to be perfect so he was afraid of making any mistakes, hence didn't dare to talk much. It's heart wrenching as I see kids like these all the time. You just feel like hugging them and telling them they're the best. I told their parents instead.

All eyes on me. No pressure.

The last part of the camp was when the parents arrived to see how the kids had been doing at the camp and to take them home. I was told I need to give a speech to the parents and was instructed (for once!) of all the things to do and say. I felt so sympathetic for the kids, so I gave the most uplifting, heart warming appraisal of a speech for the parents and everyone gobbled it up. Mind you, I am excellent with words and when I feel sentimental I can deliver grandness oozing monologues. No matter how the actual camp had been, all the difficulties I had struggled with, I was happy when I saw everyone light up during my speech, loving it. I was so happy it was all over and I could finally go home.

In retrospect I think many things happened for a reason. It was such a rough week, but I was reminded to be grateful for what I got. I have a job which sometimes drives me off the wall, but I have some good people there, no matter how unorganized they are professionally, they care about me and my well being.
I have also had the good luck of finding good people and acts of kindness no matter where I go: I made a friend during the long drive home and enjoyed the company I was with.

As a bonus I was told in Beijing that after my contract ends with the school, the recruitment company would be pleased to have me work for them - I was told they like my personality and thought I would be great working as a host and an organizer for all the international teachers they have coming and going through Beijing. I was so impressed.

After all that's happened, I am not even bothered about losing my purse and all that money. I am willing to see it as it was: a bit of bad luck in the midst of all the good things that I actually have got. At the end of the day, it's good people that make life worth living. :)

Wish you all a great week!

Zàijiàn!

And happy Easter!