The (less) material girl

I don't crave for designer shoes anymore.
I don't desire a wardrobe filled with clothes and matching accessories.

My favorite clothes are faded and have holes for being worn constantly. They easily fit in my grubby old backpack.

I wear a bracelet I got from a "last chance clearance sale" until it's so worn&torn it falls apart.

For I have discovered this: constantly buying and possessing new things does not fill up your life or make you happy. The more shoes, bags, jewelry, scarves and other junk you buy the more they come to possess you, not the other way around.

Freedom comes from having no more than you need. Freedom is happiness. When you have a closet full of clothes yet nothing to wear, are you really lacking another dress? Will that make you happy, really?

My life has dramatically become a happier one after I stopped "shopping" like a material girl. Now instead of constantly worrying about what to wear, how to accessorize and how I look, I feel more confident in who I am, happy with what I've got.

We are living in a material world, but we don't have to be material girls.

The battle of non-natives

English teaching. It seems to be a world full of traps, deceits, sugar coated nonsense and trying to outsmart rather than to be outsmarted – and all this to endure before you even set a foot in a classroom or sign a teaching contract!

I'm talking about us ”traveling” teachers: people who are looking to get employed abroad rather than staying at home. Back at home you know the rules and they seem straightforward, ie. certain qualifications that are needed to be employed as a teacher. I for one never imagined that it could be such a twisted world of pretense trying to get a decent teaching job abroad. Especially after I paid nearly 3000€ for my CELTA teaching certificate, which is supposed to be the most recognized piece of paper you can have in the teaching world.

But more precisely I'm talking about the fact that many companies prefer native English speakers instead of non-natives. In fact that is not putting it quite correctly: they do not ”prefer”, they actually require. Many times non-natives are told not to even bother applying for teaching jobs.

As a non-native whose English is on the level of most native speakers, this obviously is very frustrating for me.

And for what reason are us non-natives discriminated? Many companies argue that they want the ”authentic accent” or ”knowledge of the preferred culture”, but I buy none of that for a second. As I've lived in China for a year now I have seen what it's like: hiring managers are perfectly happy offering you a job if you are a) white and b) sound like you come from an English speaking country. That's it. As I fill these requirements I've been offered jobs constantly. I have not accepted any of the offers since they were not my cup of tea nor have I let the people offering them know that I am actually not a native speaker; that in fact I fooled them with my accent and they mistook me for a native speaker. Though lately I've wondered why haven't I revealed to them that I'm not a native speaker? I guess my reasoning is that it would most likely make them think less of me and my language abilities – which is insane because my grasp of both written and spoken English is better than some of my native speaking friends. But none the less this is the reality for a non-native English speaker who wants to find a teaching job: we are simply tossed to a pile of unwanted material.

Every so often I spend a bit of time online searching for the next job opportunity. Time and time again I find that as a non-native English teacher my options are quite limited, especially because I don't yet have the 2+ years of teaching experience which would make it marginally easier for me to get employed.

It's obvious that people who are hiring and making these rules of non-native speakers have either no clue that being a native speaker doesn't mean you automatically are a good teacher or they are only interested in having a ”trophy” teacher, someone who is not required to really teach. In all fairness this is exactly what I've been doing for the past year: my school obviously knows my origin but the managers decided to lie to all the staff and the students' parents because ”they would prefer a native speaker”. It was my first week here in China when my manager told me that they have informed everyone that I come from the UK, so they suggested that I think of a story: what city I come from, where I went to school, etc. I was gobsmacked and must say I did not have very nice thoughts of them at that point. In a way it's like living in a constant lie, having to undermine my true nationality.

What I have come to realize working in China is that one of the reasons they want a native speaker to teach them English is because they feel like they can just be in my presence and ”absorb” the language... Yes, it sounds ridiculous and it certainly is just that. But I have been told by the staff in my school that even though they speak barely a word of English now, they're convinced that they'll learn just by listening to me speak – without even interacting with me. So there definitely is a magical X factor there that they're hoping to catch... I wonder how deceived they would feel if they found out I was in fact not a native speaker at all. Would the ”magic” be lost?

So what do to with this pickle? I know for a fact that I'm not alone with this issue of discrimination towards non-native teachers. I know there are companies that are smart about hiring teachers: they require that your level is high and you're a professional – which is exactly how it should be everywhere. I also know there is more and more talk about this unfair factor in the job market and hence I believe the more discussion there is the better chance there is to make a right out of this wrong.

In the meantime I will try to get away with what my English professor told me as a piece of advice if asked in a job interview whether I'm a native speaker: "just say 'yes'."

https://www.facebook.com/quirkyteacher

He loves me (not)

Abuse.

A simple, little word hiding so much inside. Including prejudice.

This is my own story about abuse.*


Before I got into an abusive relationship I always thought that people who end up in them - and worse of all, STAY in them - are weak and pathetic individuals. In general I think of myself as a kind-hearted, tolerant person but that was genuinely how I felt about abuse victims before. "Why don't they just leave?" I would think out loud. After all, how could anyone who had any self respect or dignity in them allow someone to abuse them?
Little did I know.

When my ex boyfriend started showing signs of abuse - or more correctly I started noticing them - I did what majority of women do; try to rationalize it, make excuses and explain it all away. "He's just stressed", I would tell myself and others, "he has a bit of a temper" or "he's not normally like that". I didn't realize at the time that this was in fact a classic example of the beginning of an abusive relationship.

Like in many other abusive relationships, the beginning was wonderful. Almost too good to be true in fact: he was like a prince charming who would tell me every day how wonderful I am, how I was the only one for him and he was constantly making big plans for our future - everything was also moving along quite fast. It was magical and wonderful.

But very suddenly all that started to change. He got jealous. REALLY jealous. He didn't want me to spend any time or even talk about other men. Little by little he started to isolate me from my friends as well. We moved to a house in the middle of nowhere which made it difficult for me to see many of my friends. Then his need to control me got stronger. He would text or call me throughout the day to find out where I was and who with.
A big issue for us was also money: I was supporting him financially. To be honest I have no clue how that happened.

We moved in very fast after meeting each other and he kept making excuses about money and postponing chipping in on our mutual costs, so I ended up paying for rent, food, petrol for both our cars, also lending him money almost on daily basis for "stuff". Obviously as a good girlfriend my responsibilities were also cooking and cleaning. He expected dinner to be served every night and his lunch to be packed ready every morning. At first this didn't raise any alarm bells because I'm a person who enjoys to fuss and look after the people I love. But after a while I realized that I was being taken for granted and like a dictator he expected these things from me without asking or thanking me.
I later found out that abusive men are very good at manipulating people and they make you feel very guilty if you don't go along with their wants and needs.

As I'm an independent person and also a great believer in equality I always stressed the fact that me paying for everything was a very short-term personal loan: he would have to pay me back sooner or later. I wouldn't budge or let him sweet talk me into forgetting about it - and hence the money issue came a real problem. Although he was working 50+ hours a week as a tradesman and getting paid seriously better than me as a part time receptionist, he would still seem to have no money... After a month or so living together and still having none of his financial support I had no more patience. I told him as a matter of fact that we are equal and he has to start chipping in. He was furious.
It's funny how most abusive men make a big deal about being "the Man" and the provider in the family but in fact 99% of them will try to financially get on top of you by making you pay for everything: leaving them the upper hand as they have not invested any money on the relationship.
For the abuser this is important because he will feel like he's in control. He now owns you because you have no money and he does.

It was very confusing living with someone who you slowly realized was not quite what he pretended to be - yet being already in love with the person made it tormenting.
His need to own me was frightening. His obsession to have me and control me became obvious and it also came as a surprise. How could a person who says he loves you do that? I was torn between wanting to believe in him, trusting his convincing words and opening up my eyes and seeing the facts for what they were.

I wouldn't say I was afraid of him - I am perhaps a bit boneheaded that way - but that was before The Day came, the worst of them all, when all the horridness culminated. He got furious because I refused to buy him beers from the supermarket. So furious that he started smashing things inside our apartment. Shouting at me, barking insults (that was the first and the last time he called me "a whore") and as if that wasn't enough when I told him he had five seconds time to stop and apologize to me he got quiet and sinister, walked up to me very slowly, wagging his finger in my face and spitting out "you better f*cking shut your mouth, or else..". And with that, he turned around and left.
He smashed a few more things as he went, almost breaking the glass door as he slammed it. I couldn't breathe. I looked around me and saw what my life really looked like. It was a mess.

I wish I could say it was easy leaving him. After he left that night he kept sending me spiteful, horrible messages - constantly tormenting me and telling me what a bad woman I was and how no one else would ever take me. He called himself "the best you will ever had". I was trembling. Afraid. I realized he wouldn't let me go, I would have to flee.

Would it surprise you to hear that by the next morning I had changed my mind? I had decided to give him "one last chance". (And I assure you there had been many.) I told a handful of people I could trust what had happened. They tried to talk some sense into me, saying I was in danger and I should leave while I could. I remember breaking down crying, sobbing something about how he deserves a chance, just one more. Luckily I was surrounded by wonderful, strong women who talked some sense into me. The next day as he left for work, I secretly packed my things and left our home. And I was so incredibly lucky to have a safe place where I could return: a house full of friends who loved and cared for me. They understood me when I would tremble every time the front door would open or if I started to cry without any apparent reason. I was scared. Terrified. And when he realized I was gone later that night the messages and calls I received made me a human wreck. I couldn't sleep because I had to get up every five minutes to check if my door was locked. I was sure it was only a matter of time before he'd find me. After all, I knew how bad he could get.

Leaving an abusive partner was possibly the hardest thing I've ever done. I went from a happy-go-lucky girl into a fearful bunch of nerves who was afraid to walk alone on the streets in the fear of bumping into him.
Luckily the local police took me seriously and did everything to make sure I was safe. It was the police who directed me to a safe house/abuse centre where I was able to go and talk to professionals. Even if in the beginning it was mostly hysterical crying instead of talking. It took 3 months of therapy to get back on my emotional feet. And I owe it all to my therapists at the safe house: after our sessions came to an end I was back to my old self, or dare I say: even more brave and confident than before. I was no longer afraid of him. In saying that it did take me a long while to trust another man again.

Alas, time is a healer. I have stopped blaming myself. For a long time I felt like it was all my fault because I was so weak and stupid to fall for his charms and lies.
Which brings me to a sad side note. When I returned to my home country to see my old friends and family, I felt just about brave enough to tell them honestly what had happened. My family had been incredibly supportive since the beginning but it was the reaction I got from some of my oldest friends that completely took me by surprise...
"What do you mean he was abusive? But he'd never hit you? What DID he do then?" were some of the shocking questions I got from friends back at home... I nearly choked: I had just opened up my soul and revealed the most darkest fears in me and they looked at me dubiously and questioned WHY I WAS AFRAID!? I felt so betrayed. And when I tried to hold the tears back and explain to them that not all abuse is physical, that emotional abuse can actually be just as bad if not worse, they wouldn't let it lie. "How can someone be abusive if they don't actually hit you..?" I wanted to scream. I was still in the middle of my therapy and I felt like they brought me back to square one. I felt possibly even more ashamed of myself than ever before.
I try not to blame these friends too much anymore for their ignorant words and pestering questions. After all, they are naïve and hence lucky because they have never had to encounter anything as dark and scary as abuse. And I hope they never will.

Abusive relationship and getting over it has been a life lesson for me. I sure didn't want it, but in a way I'm glad because it did make me stronger than before.

I hope my story can be a part of the important cause of telling people about abuse. It's not always easy to see who's in need of your help. My ex partner never laid a finger on me but his aggressive and demeaning presence haunted me long afterwards: naked to the eye.

All abuse victims don't have black eyes or broken ribs.

More about abuse on this website www.loveisrespect.org

*I have not gone into too much detail about the abuse I went through. Partly because it would make this blog post very long and also because it is still incredibly painful.

My favourite mornings

I'm not a morning person.

But sometimes something magical happens... I get lucky and my mind plays tricks on me as I move from the dream world to the conscious one, feeling like a bear who's just waking up after a long winter of slumber. And in that split second before opening your eyelids you're in a haze, not entirely sure where you are - or when.

It only takes an instant but it's enough time for the mind to start scrolling the film roll of life: am I waking up in a safari tent in the outback; or in my old rusty camper van; or perhaps on a sofa at a stranger's house who has shown me such kindness that we have become lifelong friends.

Or am I waking up in that luxurious Las Vegas casino hotel to a scorching summer day; or possibly wrapped in the arms of a special someone who made my days on the road oh so sweet - even if just for a short time.

Indeed, I'm not a morning person but sometimes I get lucky and wake up not remembering where I am or when. These are my favourite mornings.

Is Couchsurfing.com dangerous?

Couchsurfing.com is a website connecting people who either travel and/or wish to meet travelers from other countries and cultures, welcoming travelers into their homes. In short: you invite strangers from different parts of the world to come stay in your home for a few days. Sounds pretty radical when you put it like this, but the concept is brilliant.

As Couchsurfing is a traveling community based on good will, no money changes hands. Strangers from all over the world will offer you their homes just so they could meet interesting new people and potentially make friends - and also so when they go traveling themselves they will enjoy the hospitality of others. Quoted from the couchsurfing.com website: "We envision a world made better by travel and travel made richer by connection. Couchsurfers share their lives with the people they encounter, fostering cultural exchange and mutual respect."

The website has been around for over a decade and I first started using it with my friend when we left traveling five years ago. In 2010 Couchsurfing was still a non profit organization before it was sold and changed to a profit making machine. This, I truly believe, was a mistake.

We are always warned by strangers: when we're young our parents tell us not to talk to strangers or go with them under any circumstances. When we grow older we automatically fear strangers - who knows what dangers are lurking behind those seemingly average faces. And it's smart, obviously, as we know the world is not a perfect place. There are rapists, murderers, phedophiles, scam artists, kidnappers and traffickers, you name it, they're all out there.

But to not turn into a complete cynic with no faith in the human race, we have communities that we join in order to feel safe and happy. For many years Couchsurfing was a community I was not afraid to use: I have "couchsurfed" with dozens of people in several different countries all around the world and even if we didn't become best friends with all of my hosts, most of the time I felt comfortable and completely safe. I have met many friends while couchsurfing and made even more memorable acquintances - each and every person I would not have met without the website! I have a lot to be grateful for: I trusted strangers and they showered me with hospitality, making my travels truly unforgettable.

Though it's not all rainbows and giggles, Couchsurfing is still like anything in life: you have to keep your common sense with you. Four years ago was the first time I encountered a person who marred my Couchsurfing experience: an older man of 50+ years of age, who invited himself to my bed while I was couchsurfing at his house and tried to kiss me several times while I kept pushing him away, repeatedly saying "no". I'm a strong personality and have bucket loads of self confidence, so I managed to get out of a potentially dangerous situation. I couldn't stop thinking what if... But for a long time this remained the only bad experience I had with Couchsurfing.
Then last year I had a very similar thing happening: a man of 65 years old that was my host had been very flirty with me for a few days before he finally crossed the line and said he thought I was very attractive and wanted to lick my toes. LICK MY TOES!!! Needless to say I locked my bedroom door that night and very quickly got out of his house.

It seems that the negative issues have truly escalated this year. My very recent trip to Japan was something I anticipated very much and I started planning my trip on the Couchsurfing website: searching for like-minded people that could offer me accommodation, I was mostly contacted by younger men who seemed dubious: my gut feeling was telling me not to trust majority of these people. One man actually told me that his previous couchsurfers have shared a bed with him because he has no extra bed to give to people who stay with him...! WHAT? Obviously he only invited young, attractive girls to stay with him. I was horrified.

And then it happened. I was in Tokyo and had agreed to couchsurf at Japanese man's home: he seemed normal and nice from the very beginning when he first invited me to come and stay with him. So I kept emailing with him to see if I would get a bad vibe or if there was something off-putting about him to raise the "stranger danger" alert in my head. No such thing came up, so I agreed to stay with him for 4 nights.
I met him in the busiest station of the world, the Shinjuku station in Tokyo, during rush hour. It was bustling. He was dressed in a suit, I thought him a business man, and he seemed nice. After short introductions we were chatting and started heading off towards his house. After a few minutes of walking he told me casually that "you can't come couchsurfing in my house because my parents don't approve of it. So I have booked us a hotel room. There is only one bed though, that's OK?". I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My feet automatically stopped. I was gobsmacked. I gaped at him and in the midst of the bewilderment and utter disbelief I asked him to repeat it: maybe his English wasn't that good or I had misunderstood. He confirmed: only one bed for the two of us. I felt betrayed, shocked, disgusted. I couldn't believe what a weasel this man was. To be 100% sure I wasn't mistaken, I asked him "Did you book this hotel room because you thought I would have sex with you?" and he simply looked me in the eye and said "Yes".
After that good many things happened. The most important thing was that I was safe: we were still around the Shinjuku station so there were literally millions of people around us. I told him what a disgusting human being he was and how dare he take advantage of people's trust, trying to USE me!

That was just what Couchsurfing is NOT supposed to be, but if you are not careful it could happen to you. I remember sitting on the street in Shinjuku, thinking to myself "how did this happen?" and crying. Tears of disappointment, anger, even fear. After a few minutes I picked myself up and made a new plan but looking back I understand that I was in a state of shock. This time I was lucky: the creep revealed his disgusting plans to me while we were still in a public place and I could turn around, say no.

After this experience I have started to think about Couchsurfing differently. After the non-profit Couchsurfing website was turned into a money making machine a few years ago, they have changed for the worse. I didn't use to be afraid using the Couchsurfing website but now I'm cautious: I will carefully read the profile of the person, what other couchsurfers have said about them and also from now on if I get the slightest bad vibe, I will turn people down.

In a nut shell: I absolutely recommend Couchsurfing - but I also recommend listening to your gut and having loads of common sense. And even after that keep your sensors on. Always.

Haven called Japan*

*Author's note: This post will most likely sound like an over-the-top tourist advertisement, but I simply can not but rave about Japan! I assure you that Japanese government did not pay me to publish this :P

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Girls wearing yukatas (not kimonos)

The moment I landed in Fukuoka, a small city in the south parts of Japan, I felt a long missed sensation of a modern society. Everything was clean, efficient, no-nonsense, people were respectful, polite - they even smelled nice and clean. (I wonder if I've lived in China too long to notice the lack of body odor...)

I was impressed with how high-tech everything was, even the toilets with their built-in bidets! After dirty, old fashioned China it was so refreshing to visit a developed country and I must've looked silly smiling to myself at every turn admiring the smooth operation of everything around me. For instance: All transportation ran on time. Smoking was prohibited in most places. Even during rush hour there was no pushing or showing: people gave way to each other. People QUEUED (this NEVER happens in China) politely and quietly everywhere possible. There were signs on public transportation that asked you nicely to turn your mobile phone on mute and to refrain from speaking to it as it was disrespectful to your fellow passengers. Seriously?! I felt like I was in heaven!

Old straw boots hanging on a door of an
ancient village house. Gokayama,
West coast Japan

The genuine smiles I got from people truly warmed my heart and I fell in love with Japan during the first hour I was there.

Many Japanese people apologized for their level of English but honestly mostly everywhere I managed perfectly. Navigating throughout Japan was a piece of cake as most signs are in both Japanese and English. I traveled in six cities using the high speed trains which were marvelous. From Tokyo to Kyoto in 2 hours 20 minutes! The trains travel at 300km/h+ and have all the comforts you might want: luxurious big, reclining chairs with plenty of leg space, plugs for charging your electronic devices, AC, etc. If you're planning on traveling to Japan I highly recommend buying a Japan rail pass before entering the county - as the expense of traveling in Japan is very high.

That might actually be the only downfall of my trip in Japan: compared to China everything was very expensive. Though it was still a lot less expensive than Scandinavian countries, mind you. It was still easy to find cheap places to have a really nice meal in, but beer and other alcoholic drinks were so expensive that I didn't enjoy too many during my trip!

Miyajima Shrine

But the most important thing (for me) in Japan was the culture: I visited countless temples, shrines, a ninja house, samurai castles, ancient villages, the imperial palace and felt nothing short from impressed. I still couldn't get enough and will have to return to find out more about the history and the culture in Japan. It was truly fascinating.


The nature didn't disappoint me either: lush green forests, some of the most beautiful gardens in the world (and I've seen many), cozy city parks, clean rivers and oceans (safe drinking water) and quality of air. Inspired by all the beauty I must've walked a good 10km a day almost on daily basis! I even was spoiled with a beautiful sunset on a beach for my last night in Japan. Truly unforgettable.





















And I couldn't forget about the more creative part of my trip either: all thanks to my amazing Couchsurfing host I got to try plenty of Japanese arts and crafts, such as origami, calligraphy, paper making and I found out about the gold leafing technique.

Practicing calligraphy...it's hard!!

Decorating the paper I made myself

As a food lover the Japanese kitchen deserves to be mentioned, too - and to be honest I was anticipating the sushi for weeks before my actual trip! (And I indulged myself with it at least once or twice a day during my trip!) In addition I was lucky enough also to have my new Japanese friends cook for me and take me to amazing Japanese restaurants to eat yakitori, sashimi, tempura and other amazing dishes. I tried eel for the first time and found it very tasty. Plum sake also took my heart whereas the original sake I can't really rave about.

Finished! (This was the work of only two people)

For a food lover such as myself it was simply divine to experience the real Japanese cuisine and I can't speak too highly of it!

Sushi train! 

All in all  Japan for me was a haven. I needed an escape from the Chinese reality and I can't imagine a better cure than what I experienced :) I fell in love with the country and will organize a more (semi) permanent return to soon. To be honest if I could've gotten away with it, I would've just stayed in Japan and forgotten all about China!

Alas, Japan will have to wait for a few months. For now I'll savor my wonderful memories :)

One of Fukuoka city's parks

Revelations and life choices

I'll be honest. I never wanted to come to China to work. A couple of years ago I had an idea in my head that I wanted to go work in Japan. I'm not sure how that happened since I'd never been to Japan before and didn't know much about it, but I was determined to go through with it.
Unfortunately after I got my English teaching certificate last year the majority of opportunities for an inexperienced teacher were in China, not Japan. I tried applying for many teaching jobs in Japan only to find that I lacked the required experience. Hence, I came to China. My biggest mistake was assuming that China would be similar to Japan.
How bitterly mistaken I was.

I can confess that going to Japan was like a dream come true. Once I was there I realized that Japan was exactly what I had wanted to experience all along: old culture, ancient customs mixed beautifully and seemingly seamlessly with Western modern culture and comforts, along with polite, super friendly people. I knew that Japan was everything I was hoping for when I first flew to China. And never got.

Now I can admit to myself that I have been disappointed with China since the beginning. I don't think I need to repeat my issues with China since I often write about them: pollution, dirt, chaotic no rules mentality, rude and disrespectful manners of the general crowd.

Visiting Japan truly made me happy: in every six cities where I traveled I was thrilled that I could go and walk everywhere - and enjoy it - since there was no human waste or rubbish on the streets, no need to wear an air pollution mask, the cities were well maintained, organized and beautiful; the locals were incredibly friendly and the Japanese people are SO polite! What a contrast to my life in China.

During the trip to Japan I experienced a growing feeling that I'm wasting my time in China. I realized how it's not just enough for me. Not even for the sake of the experience anymore. Sure, it's been a novelty, the craziness has been a test whether I could adjust to an extreme existence or not. I think at the end of the day I come out as a winner: I survived the massive culture shock. I feel like I've immersed into the culture.
I read articles written by Westerners who have lived in the mega cities of China (ie. Beijing or Shanghai) and smile to their stories of how different life is for them there. Well, I can honestly say that one hasn't experienced "real China" unless they've lived outside the mega cities. You simply can't imagine how it is here unless you come and see it for yourself. Living in a mega city in China is a piece of cake compared to the small cities.

While I was in Japan I fell in love with it. Truly, it made such an impact on me I did not want to leave. The saddest part? Coming back to China AND I can't tell any of my Chinese friends here about my wonderful holiday because Chinese people hate the Japanese and everything that comes from Japan.

I see now that my time in China is coming to an end. When exactly, I am not sure. I still have some three months to go til my contract here ends but in so many ways I feel like I'm done with this all. I'm contemplating how important is it to have that full one year of teaching experience under my belt (and in my CV) versus to go and be somewhere I really want to be.

A friend of mine told me a while back that she hopes "China is either treating you well or teaching you a lesson". I think I know now which.

At the moment I'm standing on a crossroads. Where will the next path lead? I can't wait to find out :)

I feel a need to pack my bags

Lǎowài life

"Lǎowài" is Mandarin Chinese and in slang means "a foreigner". Some foreigners in China consider this an insulting name (the literal meaning of the word is "an old outsider") but I personally don't mind. So when you recognize this word you will always know when people are talking about you.

To be a lǎowài in China is a special thing. In both good and bad. Chinese people adore Western culture and adapt some of it into their own culture: the mixture is no less than hilarious! Everyone has iPhones even if it costs an average Chinese person approximately three months' wages..! Insane, isn't it! Western designer bags are worn with frilly, bejeweled, lacy, over-the-top clothing which I simply call Chinese fashion. And then there's the food - Western food is considered a special, fashionable treat here but the Chinese have twisted it into their own style. Or how would you like some fruit pizza with sweet mayonnaise, "steak" that's made of ground beef and drowned in black pepper sauce, sweet popcorn, or a hamburger with deep fried sweet chicken filet instead of a beef patty. When I get cravings for something other than Chinese food it means there's not much help to be found in the nearby restaurants. Lucky I like Chinese food!

Dragon is a powerful symbol for emperors. It's also very lucky.

Nonetheless the Chinese are enthusiastic about the Western culture and want to adapt it to theirs. That's right; they don't want to adapt to it, they want to adapt the Western culture into the Chinese culture. So what is the ultimate Western culture object? Of course a genuine lǎowài, in person. Many times I don't feel like a person but more like an object, a circus animal. Strangers come up to me, wanting to touch me, talk to me, hug me and sometimes young girls or children tell me that they love me...because I'm a white lǎowài. It blows your mind. To be a white foreigner in China is like being famous. But not the nice way: more like you're a famous monkey. "Everyone knows the monkey but the monkey doesn't know anyone" fits perfectly to my existence here.

Like a superstar I get asked to pose in pictures with random strangers I meet; when I leave my house there are strangers everywhere taking my picture without asking my permission; I get special treatment and free goodies occasionally; wherever I go people recognize me and make a fuss. Sometimes I obviously enjoy the perks of being a lǎowài: I love the fact that I'm always the most important person in the room; if I say something people will regard it as pearls of wisdom (I'm not pulling your leg); my opinion always matters; I get asked to speak or perform in events as the star of the day (I've learned a lot about performing while in China!) and sometimes companies or private people will offer me for instance free food, drink or service, and of course want me to come work for them.
Yet there's no such thing as free lunch. The flipside of lǎowài life I've obviously talked a lot about in my previous blog posts.

But things I do enjoy about China are plentiful once I think about it:

Cost of living. It's ridiculously cheap to eat out in a restaurant, take a taxi, buy groceries or fly across China! In saying that I have found that many people do try to take advantage of the poor old lǎowài: I get usually asked for triple to price for anything I purchase. It takes time to understand how things work and after that it's all up to your guts and negotiation skills on how much you will actually pay for the things that have no price tag!

Sober streets. There are no drunks anywhere in public areas! When Chinese people drink it's only mostly the men and they still behave themselves quite well. No fights, no excess noise or trouble, exactly opposite to what we have in any city in the West. In this way the Chinese are super civil people! I always feel safe walking down the streets no matter what time of the day or night it is.

Corruption. A two bladed sword since if you have money or influential friends, there are no limits to what you can do. Or just fake it! For instance for many foreigners it works well: if they don't have the requirements or the experience to get a job they want, they can just make something up and/or fake certificates. Golden!

Perks. Usually your employer would want to treat you well because you are the lǎowài employee and very important for the company. I am the only lǎowài working for my school so I get taken out for free lunches, dinners, they organize little trips to entertain me and in general all my colleagues try to make my life as comfortable as possible here. It doesn't hurt to be a nice person either: I get told frequently that people are so nice to me because I'm such a lovely person to everyone.

Ego boost. People will tell you constantly how beautiful you are because you're so white! Coming from Scandinavia my skin is super white, my hair quite long and naturally dirty blonde so people are always complimenting me on my beauty. It feels nice, especially since sometimes you feel like a fat giant compared to the size 0, petite Chinese people!

All in all life as a lǎowài is always anything but boring in China. And after a while you will take it as "normal". Problem might prove to be that good old Western life could possibly seem rather dull and mundane after the Chinese lifestyle.

Long live everyday roller coaster existence!

When am I going home?

I get asked this question a lot when I meet new people. Especially when they hear I've been traveling for a few years already they inquire eagerly, "so when will you go home?". My answer goes pretty much something like this: "probably never". Sometimes people reply with a laughter or a sceptical "really?" but mostly I get the raised eyebrows. And it seems like people who ask this question never seem to be satisfied with my answer, which can be simplified to this: I don't want to return to my home country ever again permanently if I can help it.

Why?

Because I'm a traveler. A modern day vagabond.

I don't think of myself as part of one nation anymore, and though I am grateful for my home country for all the wonderful things it enables me to do (thanks for the strong passport!), I genuinely consider myself a citizen of the world. It's a cliché, but "wherever I lay my hat, that's my home". (Makes me wish I wore a hat.)

I don't want the "normal life" where you work for a meaningless company year after year (or decade after decade), live in the same city/country, get married, have children, watch your pension grow and get so distracted by the daily mundane things so that life passes you by. For me all that seems like a waste of life. Majority of people call this "life". I don't want it.

I want to make clear, so I don't hurt anyone's feelings here, that I don't criticize other people who choose the traditional way of life: go for it! Just don't tell me that I need to make the same decisions as you did, as if it was the only way to live.

"Surely you'll want to settle down one day" is what I hear a lot. Yeah, maybe. But right now I can't imagine staying in one place for more than a few months. One year in one place seems to make me itchy! The world is so big, beautiful and full of adventures just waiting for us to jump on the opportunity!

The scariest thing for me nowadays is to have a long term plan or tie myself up with responsibilities or material possessions. Longer I travel the more I realize that the material things we are taught to yearn and desire are there to hold us back. More stuff I have, less I have freedom. I'm slowly becoming a minimalist. I still like things, like a girl I like pretty clothes and shoes. But I don't own 200 pairs anymore. (Yes, I did use to own more than 200 pairs of shoes. But that's a different story for another day).

"But what about your family?" ask the people who are apparently worried that I never talk to my folks. Well I can honestly say that in many ways my relationship with my family has never been better since I started traveling! I'm way more honest with them now about what I want and what I don't want it life, so we don't argue about things as much as before. They have given me 100% of their love and support throughout these years. Sure I don't see them very regularly, but when I finally go home to see them, we spend quality time together AND for an extended period of time, not just for a few days. I feel their presence strongly in my everyday life and I dare to say they do, too.

And same goes for my friends: leaving home was the best test to see who really would stick around when there was not much to stick around for: I didn't visit home for the first three years I started traveling and I was nervous when I went back.. Would they forgive me for being a "bad friend"? I was so happy, relieved and lucky to still have so many good friends left to welcome me with open arms :) Like many things in life, it's not about the quantity, it's about the quality. I have dear, old friends back at home and then I have friends whom I've met while traveling and they feel like old friends. I am so blessed to have amazing people around me - no matter if they're near or far.

"Don't you want to get married?" is one thing people ask me frequently, probably because I'm apparently in "that age" (to settle down, I am told). It seems to shock many when I tell them that I'm happy being single. That a relationship for a person who travels is usually more of burden than anything else. Sure, sometimes I feel like it would be nice to have a special someone. But special someones aren't easy to find. And since I started traveling it would take a lot for a man to adjust to my way of life. Yes, he would have to adjust to my travels, I wouldn't sacrifice my love for adventure or independence for anyone. Of course I would love to meet a man who could join me in what I do - but if I have to choose between a relationship and traveling, I choose traveling.
Traveling is so far my one and only true love.

And then there's my all time favorite...

"You've been traveling for so many years, seriously?! You're so lucky!" Whoaa, excuse me, lucky? I guess it was lucky that I decided to buy that one way ticket to the other side of the world, quit my job, sell my possessions, leave my home, say goodbye to everything familiar or dear to me just to go and explore countries which I knew nothing of.. Oh no wait, no, that was not luck, that was actually all ME. Like a friend of mine said, who's also been traveling for many years, I'd also like to say that I did not win a traveling lottery. I made sacrifices and choices to be where I am now and to do what I do. It was a lot of hard work sometimes.

I've had so many wonderful, amazing moments throughout these years! But also plenty of difficulties, challenges and hardships that come when living and traveling abroad. Moments of utter confusion, desperation, uncertainties. "Luck" didn't help me when it was so hard that I had to kick myself in the butt, wipe my tears, forget my doubts and move on just to stay sane. In the end I found safety in who I am and in the decisions I made. Luck doesn't help you with that.


Home? It's always with me and I take it everywhere I go.

Things foreigners NEVER say in China

Since lately life in China has been a tad challenging, I have found it helpful to talk to my foreign friends here and also reading online what other expats are going through. It's always a relief that no matter how I'm feeling there's always someone who's going through the same issues or has been through them and know exactly how I feel.
When those feelings of utter helplessness and desire to throw in the towel wash over me it makes the world of difference to know you're not alone.

I joined a funny Facebook group where foreigners living in China vent about their issues. The group is called "Things foreigners NEVER say in China" and the idea is to post a sarcastic sentence, something a foreigner living in China would never say and which describes the Chinese way of life - or our, foreigners, life in China.
I'd like to share some of my favourite quotes from this group. So these are quotes from some of the people in the group:


"I was only a mild fan of karaoke before. But you allowing your primary-school-aged children to sing seven songs in a row really sold me on what a fantastic art form it is."

This made me laugh because I remembered my first time in a Chinese KTV (short for Karaoke TV): my friend had invited me to have dinner with her family and her family friends. There were around 5 to 6 children between 3 and 12 years old and three couples. After dinner they wanted to take me to a KTV, this was was 9pm. I was surprised: wouldn't the younger children need to get to bed soon? Also the men were pretty drunk at this stage, so I was wondering how we would mix sober wives, drunk husbands, young children and myself, a foreigner never been to a KTV before. When we got to the KTV they immediately shoved the microphone in my hand expecting me to start singing. I was flabbergasted throughout the night, watching the adults singing their favourite songs and the children playing recklessly, shouting in the extra microphones fur fun (you can imagine how loud) and running around til midnight. It was surreal.


"I really enjoy discussing politics in China. People are so well informed and insightful."

Ah, politics in China. I personally try not to get into this. When people ask me about economy and politics in my country, I try to give a short answer. Nothing spells awkward more than talking of freedom of speech and democracy to citizens in a country where these things are mere fantasies.


"Wow - that's really convenient, I'm going to cut the seam out of my kid's pants too. I'm going to save a ton on diapers!"

If you haven't been to China you can't imagine the crotchless pants. The children who are not potty trained wear these trousers that simply have a slit in the middle, a.k.a. crotchless pants. I can not count the amount of baby genitals I've seen during my time in China or witnessed babies peeing and pooing both indoors and outdoors. When you see a turd on the street in China, it is more likely to be human feces than animal.


"When they build something here, they really do it properly don't they."

Architecture is not really Chinese people's strong point. I have been to buildings wondering to myself how old they must be: I can see mold, dirt, things falling apart...and then I'm told the building is only a few years old. Apparently, I was told, that buildings in China are built to last about 30 years. 


"Yes please open the windows! pm2.5 is only 800 today. it's good for us!"
"it's the middle of summer with all the windows open and 90% humidity...OF COURSE I'll accept your hot water! I must have been cold and didn't know it!"
"I know it's so cold that the water in the toilet is frozen, but would you mind opening every window in the house for a couple hours so that we can change all that stale filtered air for fresh polluted air?"

These quotes sum it up: Chinese people like to "air" the houses, no matter how hot or cold outside air is. When the pollution levels are high I always feel like my lungs are filled with cancer as naturally my school also keeps windows and doors open.
(PM2.5 is an air pollutant, one of the most dangerous kind as the particles are tiny. In China many foreigners, like myself, check the PM2.5 levels every day to know whether to wear a breathing mask or not.)


"More fish/chicken heads in my soup!"
"I love eating prawns with the shell on."

Yes, animal heads in soups are delicious if you ask the Chinese. Also they look at me like a weirdo when I peel my prawn shells... But after I had food poisoning from prawns, I decided not to eat them in China. Ever. Again.


"I'm sorry, I can't do any work at the moment, I have to watch Chinese TV shows on my phone."

I used to think that Asian people are so hard working because they always seem to be at their work place. Then I noticed that when Chinese people come to work, their standard of work is not really the same as for us Westerners... People watch TV shows on their phones, they make personal phone calls (my assistants answer their phones during my class when they are there to translate!), they SLEEP on the job, and pretty much do everything that would NOT be okay for us in the West. The Chinese complain about their small salaries, and yes they don't make much money, but compared to what they actually DO during their working hours..I'd say the compensation is fairly decent.


"The customer service here is fantastic, and the staff are so friendly!"

There is no such thing as customer service in China. You're happy if someone will take your order and once you give them your money you get what you paid for. Also forget about manners: just because they work in a customer service profession doesn't mean they have to even try to be nice to you.


"I'm not going to worry about dental care for my children's teeth, it's not like anyone sees them anyway. I think I'll spend a huge amount of money on a Michael Kors bag instead."

Many people in China have bad teeth. Probably because daily brushing of teeth is not a habit in China... It's funny how Chinese people would actually buy an expensive Western car, designer clothes or a bigger house to show off how much money they have, but not take care of their (oral) hygiene.


"I hear China Post is really reliable."

It sure is! Personally I did have to order a new credit card from home and have it sent here to China and miraculously it did arrive. But I know people have lost plenty of things: parcels that didn't make it here because a custom officer decided that he needed the item that was being delivered (oh yes, this happens) or the tax on things are so high it makes no sense to order anything. Also what I find hilarious is the fact that the Post offices don't sell stamps, letters or actually send anything...You usually have to send something via a courier to post it. Funny, seeing as the word "post" actually means literally to send something..


"More fireworks! Especially those 50m firecrackers that go off for 15 minutes! I never knew I could enjoy them so much!"

In China there are fireworks and firecrackers going off every day! I have tried to ask why from my local Chinese friends what is the reason behind this, but I'm still waiting for an answer that makes sense. So far, though, I've discovered that fireworks go off when someone's getting married or there's a funeral. But you do see them here on daily basis. Thanks to the thin walls, you also hear them constantly... And the firecrackers can be somewhat alarming when you're walking down the street and all of a sudden you're in the midst of a big racket and intense smoke starts to form: for a fraction of a second you always wonder if it's a shooting incident or good old firecrackers.

You can find the Facebook group "Things that foreigners NEVER say in China" here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/360759013944855/ 


I hope you found these quotes as funny as I did; they do give a good idea about the most common oddities we foreigners face here.

Like one of my friends said: "it's totally different than home - isn't that why we're all here?". :)

Zàijiàn!

When Things Go All WONG...

I've had a rough couple of weeks lately.
I've broken down crying helplessly, hating my surroundings and feeling sorry for myself.
I've wondered what I'm doing here, for it has seemed pointless at times. And too hard. Just too damn hard existing as a foreigner in this country.

In fact for a long while everything has seemed to be a struggle which I couldn't overcome. I didn't see a way out of. I felt sad, depressed, angry, frustrated. I had almost had enough of China.

So what happened? Nothing out of the ordinary, really. When I say out of the ordinary, I mean out of the ordinary compared to my life here in China since December last year. Which is not "ordinary" compared to my life in all the four other Western Countries I've lived previously throughout my life.

I'm a straight shooter. Throughout this blog I've written honestly about my experiences in China and I've never sugarcoated anything nor tried to make it sound glamorous. So some of you will know that though it has been an adventure like no other coming here, full of eccentricities, funny situations, hilarious mishaps and making friends, there has also been the flipside. I've talked a lot about the language barrier. The pollution. The rudeness of Chinese people. Dirt and grime everywhere. And it just so happened to me a few weeks ago that all these things seemed to quantify out of proportion and bury me under them.

Nothing specific happened to start my spiraling to darkness. But one day on my way to catch a taxi to work I surprised myself as I bursted into tears. Knowing that who ever would stop to pick me up, the taxi driver would probably not understand my Chinese when I gave him the address, after which he would try to rip me off by charging me at least double the cost of the fare and I would end up in a fight with him. And I would have to take all this only to be taken to a working environment where I couldn't communicate with anyone and felt utterly isolated. And after that a new challenge, and after that another, and after that...
I thought I would shake it off during the day. But it got worse.

After work I went to the supermarket. I had a customer pestering me, a young woman who insisted on speaking to me in Chinese though I told her on several occasion that I do not understand nor speak Chinese. All I wanted was to buy bananas. And to be left alone after a challenging day. No such luck.
My grocery shopping is always tormented by mostly the supermarket staff who attack me like vultures. I felt like screaming "leave me alone!" as they kept following me and blabbering at me, but I managed to hold myself together. But I almost lost it when one of the staff members popped in front of my face around a corner and took a picture of me with her iPhone. That was the last straw. I rushed out of the store, angry, so angry. It had been too much.

Little things like these happen multiple times every day, just as they always have happened during my life in China, but I was really struggling to accept them this time around.

I don't know if I got sick because of all the anxiety, anger and depressive thoughts, or vice versa, but I started to come down with something suddenly. I felt like I had no energy to face anything outside my comfortable apartment. Everything seemed like a big struggle. Commuting. Communicating. Shopping.

The only people who I could actually talk to, who would understand how I was feeling and what I was going through were my other foreign friends here. I talked to them openly about my feelings, like we always do within the group. They made me feel better, but the effect didn't last long.

And then one day as I was at work I fell into peaces: I started sobbing again helplessly. I was sent home for the rest of the day and I felt relieved. But not better.
And then the next day it happened again. Only this time around it was more like howling instead of crying, with tears pouring down my face. I felt a horrible sadness and anger inside me. My Chinese colleagues were lovely and understanding, as I had told them how I had been feeling. I was consoled and looked after.

This exact same thing happened once more at my work place. My colleagues were starting to get worried and they weren't the only ones: I felt as surprised as I felt miserable. When would I feel better again, I wondered.

I have always been in touch with who I am and what I want in life: I'm one of those people who spend a lot of time working on myself mentally and spiritually, constantly trying to better myself. So I rarely experience feelings that surprise me. But this amount of rage which I was suddenly experiencing was surprising to me. I sat down and pondered whether I could - or should - stay in China until the end of my contract. It was still 5 months away.
Then all of a sudden I found resurrection: my summer holiday is coming up next month and I decided that to save my mental health and to lift my spirits I would simply have to leave China for two weeks. To get away from it all. And as I thought of this a  wave of relief washed over me! That night I radiated of positive energy again and I stayed up late planning my exciting holiday! After that I have felt like my old self again :)

For now I have decided to take it day by day. China is certainly a challenge, but I feel like it has taught me so much. I have appreciation towards life now more than I have ever had before. I have stepped out of my comfort zone. Or it feels like not a step but a plunge into a sea of non-comfort zone.

Throughout this experience in China I've been forced to open my mind, challenge my view of the world and learn how to swim against the current. I still got some kick in me to keep on swimming!

Zàijiàn!

I wish Chinese really was this easy! :)

Oriental Truth: Money Maketh The Man

Six months in China. I'm halfway through my (first) contract here. Honestly, there have been times when I wondered would I even make it this far. A couple of times I have seriously contemplated on packing my bags that very instant and leaving. And it seems like the issues I - and my fellow foreign friends here - have are always the same. The biggest problem is perhaps the language barrier. More Chinese I learn the more I have a sense of belonging here and the less awkward it is to do things independently. But then there are the cultural differences. The fact that in a city of this stature where there are only a handful of foreigners in the midst of 10 million locals, I always stick out.

Chinese people are not like us Westerners in many ways. Chinese people are governed by a super controlling government, but the rest of their life is one big, organised chaos. This can be seen everywhere: the traffic is only one example and though it's a well worn cliche, it is insane because there are no rules - and even if there were no one would respect them. Chinese people have learnt a lesson: if you don't push and shove your way forward in life (or in a queue in a bank/supermarket/anywhere) you won't get anywhere. As I was taught by my parents that it's good manners to patiently wait for your turn and not cut in line, the entire Chinese population has still to discover this rule.
Also the notion of "personal space" is a concept unknown to the Chinese: whereas Westerners show respect towards other people by not shoving others and remaining as distant as possible even in crowded areas, the Chinese are totally oblivious to such unspoken rules. I can't count the times I've been pushed, shoved, someone cutting in front of me, elbowing me without apologizing or breathing in my neck. I'm fairly easygoing but need others to respect my personal space, so you can imagine it's problematic when I am shopping in a supermarket and a salesclerk grabs me to get my attention, or as I'm walking in a busy street downtown and out of nowhere I'm being bombed with cucumber slices by a man selling vegetable slicers; apparently he wanted to demonstrate how lovely and cooling they are... But it's these things that pile up and as they multiply you start to feel desperate(ly angry). Sometimes I wonder if I've forgotten what normal behavior in the West entails. But the truth is I miss being just a face in the crowd: to have some privacy and not being subjected to the gawking, giggling Chinese with their pointing fingers. Which I  also find super rude: but here in China even adults and seniors point their finger at me. Sometimes I get so frustrated I do the same right back at them. It's like the people who take my picture without asking my permission: I have started taking pictures of them, too. Not the most mature thing to do maybe, but I don't know how else to get my point across.

Getting treatment at my local hospital for my old knee injury

"Heat machine" for my knee

Before I came to China I was aware that the culture is very different. I had worked in the hospitality industry around the world and met Chinese travelers so I knew a little of what to expect. I was most interested in the ancient traditions and how they still reflect in the culture today in the lives of the ordinary Chinese. I found out many things about social behavior for instance, or the famous Chinese medicine. I must admit that before arriving to China and even the first couple of months in China I thought the Chinese medicine would be something almost magical and life changing for me. I dreamt of throwing away and completely abandoning Western medicine and finding natural ways to better my health and prolonging my life. Well, that did not quite happen. I have a dodgy knee due to a rock climbing incident a couple years back and it pains be every now and again. I had high hopes that the Chinese doctors would give me some magical, ancient treatment and abrakadabra my knee would be as good as new! Unfortunately the treatment I first received (acupuncture) made my knee almost immobile. I had never felt pain like that and after a few treatment sessions I told the doctor I won't have it again. He suggested another treatment which involved healing herbs and heat therapy. That didn't seem to bother my knee but after so many treatment sessions I still didn't feel much better so I gave up spending my days off at the hospital. I was sorely disappointed. But I still had high hopes about Chinese medicine.
It was probably when my friend, a doctor, suggested I'd take some Chinese medicine to cure my dry cough that was the last drop and my faith in Chinese medicine was destroyed. My cough wasn't bad but she insisted that she'd get me something to help. So she gave me what looked like big, massive seeds and told me to put them into hot water and drink. The seeds (or whatever they were) opened up in the hot water and expanded. A day later, I was violently sick: I had the runs, was seeing stars and felt like vomiting. I had to go to the hospital and stayed in bed for the next three days. My other friends, finding out what I had been taking to my cough, told me that this Chinese medicine is too strong and I shouldn't have tried it. I felt betrayed by Chinese medicine. But I have seen how it really is: Chinese medicine is nothing but old folks tales, wisdom passed through from generation to generation. Sure, it's a natural remedy. But unfortunately there is nothing magical about it. So I keep popping my Western medicine from now on quite happily.

Would you drink this if they said it's good for you?

And when talking of the Chinese culture it's important to remember the most essential value of all: money. That is truly what it all comes down to. People don't marry for love here, they marry for money and security. It might sound cynical, but I think that Chinese people's entire lives revolve around money. They openly admit themselves that money is very important and they can never have enough. They call Western people "very romantic" because we marry for love and passion, hold hands, kiss in public and are affectionate towards are partners. I am fully aware that our culture in the West isn't free of this obsession with money either, but I see it here so highlighted that it's hard to ignore.
During my friend's visit in China my Chinese manager took us to a nearby little town and a temple which was located there. The temple was beautiful and we found there was a very old man who worked there. As my manager translated we asked him some questions. I wanted to know why he was there; I thought to myself that maybe he seeks enlightenment, inner peace or harmony, or maybe he contemplates the meaning of life or simply feels the need to live a simple life to serve his gods. Nope, none of that. He told us he came to work for the temple because his children were adults and instead of living with them, the temple would provide him an income. Another illusion shattered. My face must've shown my disappointment as my manager told me "in China everything is done for money". I nodded my head, she was right.

I came to China intrigued of the ancient culture, the oldest race in the world and their different, peculiar ways. I wanted to get to the bottom of the culture and though I've only been here for six months I think I have done a pretty good job finding out what it is to be Chinese. I know I still have much more to unravel and I look forward to it all. I feel lucky that chance brought me here, right in to the middle of the provincial life and the "real" China: I have had such experiences already that I won't forget throughout the years to come, no matter where I end up.

For now I'll keep on exploring this insane, fascinating chaos called China!

Gambei! ("Bottoms up!")

Beer pong, our foreigner group's favorite past time