Lǎowài life

"Lǎowài" is Mandarin Chinese and in slang means "a foreigner". Some foreigners in China consider this an insulting name (the literal meaning of the word is "an old outsider") but I personally don't mind. So when you recognize this word you will always know when people are talking about you.

To be a lǎowài in China is a special thing. In both good and bad. Chinese people adore Western culture and adapt some of it into their own culture: the mixture is no less than hilarious! Everyone has iPhones even if it costs an average Chinese person approximately three months' wages..! Insane, isn't it! Western designer bags are worn with frilly, bejeweled, lacy, over-the-top clothing which I simply call Chinese fashion. And then there's the food - Western food is considered a special, fashionable treat here but the Chinese have twisted it into their own style. Or how would you like some fruit pizza with sweet mayonnaise, "steak" that's made of ground beef and drowned in black pepper sauce, sweet popcorn, or a hamburger with deep fried sweet chicken filet instead of a beef patty. When I get cravings for something other than Chinese food it means there's not much help to be found in the nearby restaurants. Lucky I like Chinese food!

Dragon is a powerful symbol for emperors. It's also very lucky.

Nonetheless the Chinese are enthusiastic about the Western culture and want to adapt it to theirs. That's right; they don't want to adapt to it, they want to adapt the Western culture into the Chinese culture. So what is the ultimate Western culture object? Of course a genuine lǎowài, in person. Many times I don't feel like a person but more like an object, a circus animal. Strangers come up to me, wanting to touch me, talk to me, hug me and sometimes young girls or children tell me that they love me...because I'm a white lǎowài. It blows your mind. To be a white foreigner in China is like being famous. But not the nice way: more like you're a famous monkey. "Everyone knows the monkey but the monkey doesn't know anyone" fits perfectly to my existence here.

Like a superstar I get asked to pose in pictures with random strangers I meet; when I leave my house there are strangers everywhere taking my picture without asking my permission; I get special treatment and free goodies occasionally; wherever I go people recognize me and make a fuss. Sometimes I obviously enjoy the perks of being a lǎowài: I love the fact that I'm always the most important person in the room; if I say something people will regard it as pearls of wisdom (I'm not pulling your leg); my opinion always matters; I get asked to speak or perform in events as the star of the day (I've learned a lot about performing while in China!) and sometimes companies or private people will offer me for instance free food, drink or service, and of course want me to come work for them.
Yet there's no such thing as free lunch. The flipside of lǎowài life I've obviously talked a lot about in my previous blog posts.

But things I do enjoy about China are plentiful once I think about it:

Cost of living. It's ridiculously cheap to eat out in a restaurant, take a taxi, buy groceries or fly across China! In saying that I have found that many people do try to take advantage of the poor old lǎowài: I get usually asked for triple to price for anything I purchase. It takes time to understand how things work and after that it's all up to your guts and negotiation skills on how much you will actually pay for the things that have no price tag!

Sober streets. There are no drunks anywhere in public areas! When Chinese people drink it's only mostly the men and they still behave themselves quite well. No fights, no excess noise or trouble, exactly opposite to what we have in any city in the West. In this way the Chinese are super civil people! I always feel safe walking down the streets no matter what time of the day or night it is.

Corruption. A two bladed sword since if you have money or influential friends, there are no limits to what you can do. Or just fake it! For instance for many foreigners it works well: if they don't have the requirements or the experience to get a job they want, they can just make something up and/or fake certificates. Golden!

Perks. Usually your employer would want to treat you well because you are the lǎowài employee and very important for the company. I am the only lǎowài working for my school so I get taken out for free lunches, dinners, they organize little trips to entertain me and in general all my colleagues try to make my life as comfortable as possible here. It doesn't hurt to be a nice person either: I get told frequently that people are so nice to me because I'm such a lovely person to everyone.

Ego boost. People will tell you constantly how beautiful you are because you're so white! Coming from Scandinavia my skin is super white, my hair quite long and naturally dirty blonde so people are always complimenting me on my beauty. It feels nice, especially since sometimes you feel like a fat giant compared to the size 0, petite Chinese people!

All in all life as a lǎowài is always anything but boring in China. And after a while you will take it as "normal". Problem might prove to be that good old Western life could possibly seem rather dull and mundane after the Chinese lifestyle.

Long live everyday roller coaster existence!

When am I going home?

I get asked this question a lot when I meet new people. Especially when they hear I've been traveling for a few years already they inquire eagerly, "so when will you go home?". My answer goes pretty much something like this: "probably never". Sometimes people reply with a laughter or a sceptical "really?" but mostly I get the raised eyebrows. And it seems like people who ask this question never seem to be satisfied with my answer, which can be simplified to this: I don't want to return to my home country ever again permanently if I can help it.

Why?

Because I'm a traveler. A modern day vagabond.

I don't think of myself as part of one nation anymore, and though I am grateful for my home country for all the wonderful things it enables me to do (thanks for the strong passport!), I genuinely consider myself a citizen of the world. It's a cliché, but "wherever I lay my hat, that's my home". (Makes me wish I wore a hat.)

I don't want the "normal life" where you work for a meaningless company year after year (or decade after decade), live in the same city/country, get married, have children, watch your pension grow and get so distracted by the daily mundane things so that life passes you by. For me all that seems like a waste of life. Majority of people call this "life". I don't want it.

I want to make clear, so I don't hurt anyone's feelings here, that I don't criticize other people who choose the traditional way of life: go for it! Just don't tell me that I need to make the same decisions as you did, as if it was the only way to live.

"Surely you'll want to settle down one day" is what I hear a lot. Yeah, maybe. But right now I can't imagine staying in one place for more than a few months. One year in one place seems to make me itchy! The world is so big, beautiful and full of adventures just waiting for us to jump on the opportunity!

The scariest thing for me nowadays is to have a long term plan or tie myself up with responsibilities or material possessions. Longer I travel the more I realize that the material things we are taught to yearn and desire are there to hold us back. More stuff I have, less I have freedom. I'm slowly becoming a minimalist. I still like things, like a girl I like pretty clothes and shoes. But I don't own 200 pairs anymore. (Yes, I did use to own more than 200 pairs of shoes. But that's a different story for another day).

"But what about your family?" ask the people who are apparently worried that I never talk to my folks. Well I can honestly say that in many ways my relationship with my family has never been better since I started traveling! I'm way more honest with them now about what I want and what I don't want it life, so we don't argue about things as much as before. They have given me 100% of their love and support throughout these years. Sure I don't see them very regularly, but when I finally go home to see them, we spend quality time together AND for an extended period of time, not just for a few days. I feel their presence strongly in my everyday life and I dare to say they do, too.

And same goes for my friends: leaving home was the best test to see who really would stick around when there was not much to stick around for: I didn't visit home for the first three years I started traveling and I was nervous when I went back.. Would they forgive me for being a "bad friend"? I was so happy, relieved and lucky to still have so many good friends left to welcome me with open arms :) Like many things in life, it's not about the quantity, it's about the quality. I have dear, old friends back at home and then I have friends whom I've met while traveling and they feel like old friends. I am so blessed to have amazing people around me - no matter if they're near or far.

"Don't you want to get married?" is one thing people ask me frequently, probably because I'm apparently in "that age" (to settle down, I am told). It seems to shock many when I tell them that I'm happy being single. That a relationship for a person who travels is usually more of burden than anything else. Sure, sometimes I feel like it would be nice to have a special someone. But special someones aren't easy to find. And since I started traveling it would take a lot for a man to adjust to my way of life. Yes, he would have to adjust to my travels, I wouldn't sacrifice my love for adventure or independence for anyone. Of course I would love to meet a man who could join me in what I do - but if I have to choose between a relationship and traveling, I choose traveling.
Traveling is so far my one and only true love.

And then there's my all time favorite...

"You've been traveling for so many years, seriously?! You're so lucky!" Whoaa, excuse me, lucky? I guess it was lucky that I decided to buy that one way ticket to the other side of the world, quit my job, sell my possessions, leave my home, say goodbye to everything familiar or dear to me just to go and explore countries which I knew nothing of.. Oh no wait, no, that was not luck, that was actually all ME. Like a friend of mine said, who's also been traveling for many years, I'd also like to say that I did not win a traveling lottery. I made sacrifices and choices to be where I am now and to do what I do. It was a lot of hard work sometimes.

I've had so many wonderful, amazing moments throughout these years! But also plenty of difficulties, challenges and hardships that come when living and traveling abroad. Moments of utter confusion, desperation, uncertainties. "Luck" didn't help me when it was so hard that I had to kick myself in the butt, wipe my tears, forget my doubts and move on just to stay sane. In the end I found safety in who I am and in the decisions I made. Luck doesn't help you with that.


Home? It's always with me and I take it everywhere I go.

Things foreigners NEVER say in China

Since lately life in China has been a tad challenging, I have found it helpful to talk to my foreign friends here and also reading online what other expats are going through. It's always a relief that no matter how I'm feeling there's always someone who's going through the same issues or has been through them and know exactly how I feel.
When those feelings of utter helplessness and desire to throw in the towel wash over me it makes the world of difference to know you're not alone.

I joined a funny Facebook group where foreigners living in China vent about their issues. The group is called "Things foreigners NEVER say in China" and the idea is to post a sarcastic sentence, something a foreigner living in China would never say and which describes the Chinese way of life - or our, foreigners, life in China.
I'd like to share some of my favourite quotes from this group. So these are quotes from some of the people in the group:


"I was only a mild fan of karaoke before. But you allowing your primary-school-aged children to sing seven songs in a row really sold me on what a fantastic art form it is."

This made me laugh because I remembered my first time in a Chinese KTV (short for Karaoke TV): my friend had invited me to have dinner with her family and her family friends. There were around 5 to 6 children between 3 and 12 years old and three couples. After dinner they wanted to take me to a KTV, this was was 9pm. I was surprised: wouldn't the younger children need to get to bed soon? Also the men were pretty drunk at this stage, so I was wondering how we would mix sober wives, drunk husbands, young children and myself, a foreigner never been to a KTV before. When we got to the KTV they immediately shoved the microphone in my hand expecting me to start singing. I was flabbergasted throughout the night, watching the adults singing their favourite songs and the children playing recklessly, shouting in the extra microphones fur fun (you can imagine how loud) and running around til midnight. It was surreal.


"I really enjoy discussing politics in China. People are so well informed and insightful."

Ah, politics in China. I personally try not to get into this. When people ask me about economy and politics in my country, I try to give a short answer. Nothing spells awkward more than talking of freedom of speech and democracy to citizens in a country where these things are mere fantasies.


"Wow - that's really convenient, I'm going to cut the seam out of my kid's pants too. I'm going to save a ton on diapers!"

If you haven't been to China you can't imagine the crotchless pants. The children who are not potty trained wear these trousers that simply have a slit in the middle, a.k.a. crotchless pants. I can not count the amount of baby genitals I've seen during my time in China or witnessed babies peeing and pooing both indoors and outdoors. When you see a turd on the street in China, it is more likely to be human feces than animal.


"When they build something here, they really do it properly don't they."

Architecture is not really Chinese people's strong point. I have been to buildings wondering to myself how old they must be: I can see mold, dirt, things falling apart...and then I'm told the building is only a few years old. Apparently, I was told, that buildings in China are built to last about 30 years. 


"Yes please open the windows! pm2.5 is only 800 today. it's good for us!"
"it's the middle of summer with all the windows open and 90% humidity...OF COURSE I'll accept your hot water! I must have been cold and didn't know it!"
"I know it's so cold that the water in the toilet is frozen, but would you mind opening every window in the house for a couple hours so that we can change all that stale filtered air for fresh polluted air?"

These quotes sum it up: Chinese people like to "air" the houses, no matter how hot or cold outside air is. When the pollution levels are high I always feel like my lungs are filled with cancer as naturally my school also keeps windows and doors open.
(PM2.5 is an air pollutant, one of the most dangerous kind as the particles are tiny. In China many foreigners, like myself, check the PM2.5 levels every day to know whether to wear a breathing mask or not.)


"More fish/chicken heads in my soup!"
"I love eating prawns with the shell on."

Yes, animal heads in soups are delicious if you ask the Chinese. Also they look at me like a weirdo when I peel my prawn shells... But after I had food poisoning from prawns, I decided not to eat them in China. Ever. Again.


"I'm sorry, I can't do any work at the moment, I have to watch Chinese TV shows on my phone."

I used to think that Asian people are so hard working because they always seem to be at their work place. Then I noticed that when Chinese people come to work, their standard of work is not really the same as for us Westerners... People watch TV shows on their phones, they make personal phone calls (my assistants answer their phones during my class when they are there to translate!), they SLEEP on the job, and pretty much do everything that would NOT be okay for us in the West. The Chinese complain about their small salaries, and yes they don't make much money, but compared to what they actually DO during their working hours..I'd say the compensation is fairly decent.


"The customer service here is fantastic, and the staff are so friendly!"

There is no such thing as customer service in China. You're happy if someone will take your order and once you give them your money you get what you paid for. Also forget about manners: just because they work in a customer service profession doesn't mean they have to even try to be nice to you.


"I'm not going to worry about dental care for my children's teeth, it's not like anyone sees them anyway. I think I'll spend a huge amount of money on a Michael Kors bag instead."

Many people in China have bad teeth. Probably because daily brushing of teeth is not a habit in China... It's funny how Chinese people would actually buy an expensive Western car, designer clothes or a bigger house to show off how much money they have, but not take care of their (oral) hygiene.


"I hear China Post is really reliable."

It sure is! Personally I did have to order a new credit card from home and have it sent here to China and miraculously it did arrive. But I know people have lost plenty of things: parcels that didn't make it here because a custom officer decided that he needed the item that was being delivered (oh yes, this happens) or the tax on things are so high it makes no sense to order anything. Also what I find hilarious is the fact that the Post offices don't sell stamps, letters or actually send anything...You usually have to send something via a courier to post it. Funny, seeing as the word "post" actually means literally to send something..


"More fireworks! Especially those 50m firecrackers that go off for 15 minutes! I never knew I could enjoy them so much!"

In China there are fireworks and firecrackers going off every day! I have tried to ask why from my local Chinese friends what is the reason behind this, but I'm still waiting for an answer that makes sense. So far, though, I've discovered that fireworks go off when someone's getting married or there's a funeral. But you do see them here on daily basis. Thanks to the thin walls, you also hear them constantly... And the firecrackers can be somewhat alarming when you're walking down the street and all of a sudden you're in the midst of a big racket and intense smoke starts to form: for a fraction of a second you always wonder if it's a shooting incident or good old firecrackers.

You can find the Facebook group "Things that foreigners NEVER say in China" here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/360759013944855/ 


I hope you found these quotes as funny as I did; they do give a good idea about the most common oddities we foreigners face here.

Like one of my friends said: "it's totally different than home - isn't that why we're all here?". :)

Zàijiàn!