Is Couchsurfing.com dangerous?

Couchsurfing.com is a website connecting people who either travel and/or wish to meet travelers from other countries and cultures, welcoming travelers into their homes. In short: you invite strangers from different parts of the world to come stay in your home for a few days. Sounds pretty radical when you put it like this, but the concept is brilliant.

As Couchsurfing is a traveling community based on good will, no money changes hands. Strangers from all over the world will offer you their homes just so they could meet interesting new people and potentially make friends - and also so when they go traveling themselves they will enjoy the hospitality of others. Quoted from the couchsurfing.com website: "We envision a world made better by travel and travel made richer by connection. Couchsurfers share their lives with the people they encounter, fostering cultural exchange and mutual respect."

The website has been around for over a decade and I first started using it with my friend when we left traveling five years ago. In 2010 Couchsurfing was still a non profit organization before it was sold and changed to a profit making machine. This, I truly believe, was a mistake.

We are always warned by strangers: when we're young our parents tell us not to talk to strangers or go with them under any circumstances. When we grow older we automatically fear strangers - who knows what dangers are lurking behind those seemingly average faces. And it's smart, obviously, as we know the world is not a perfect place. There are rapists, murderers, phedophiles, scam artists, kidnappers and traffickers, you name it, they're all out there.

But to not turn into a complete cynic with no faith in the human race, we have communities that we join in order to feel safe and happy. For many years Couchsurfing was a community I was not afraid to use: I have "couchsurfed" with dozens of people in several different countries all around the world and even if we didn't become best friends with all of my hosts, most of the time I felt comfortable and completely safe. I have met many friends while couchsurfing and made even more memorable acquintances - each and every person I would not have met without the website! I have a lot to be grateful for: I trusted strangers and they showered me with hospitality, making my travels truly unforgettable.

Though it's not all rainbows and giggles, Couchsurfing is still like anything in life: you have to keep your common sense with you. Four years ago was the first time I encountered a person who marred my Couchsurfing experience: an older man of 50+ years of age, who invited himself to my bed while I was couchsurfing at his house and tried to kiss me several times while I kept pushing him away, repeatedly saying "no". I'm a strong personality and have bucket loads of self confidence, so I managed to get out of a potentially dangerous situation. I couldn't stop thinking what if... But for a long time this remained the only bad experience I had with Couchsurfing.
Then last year I had a very similar thing happening: a man of 65 years old that was my host had been very flirty with me for a few days before he finally crossed the line and said he thought I was very attractive and wanted to lick my toes. LICK MY TOES!!! Needless to say I locked my bedroom door that night and very quickly got out of his house.

It seems that the negative issues have truly escalated this year. My very recent trip to Japan was something I anticipated very much and I started planning my trip on the Couchsurfing website: searching for like-minded people that could offer me accommodation, I was mostly contacted by younger men who seemed dubious: my gut feeling was telling me not to trust majority of these people. One man actually told me that his previous couchsurfers have shared a bed with him because he has no extra bed to give to people who stay with him...! WHAT? Obviously he only invited young, attractive girls to stay with him. I was horrified.

And then it happened. I was in Tokyo and had agreed to couchsurf at Japanese man's home: he seemed normal and nice from the very beginning when he first invited me to come and stay with him. So I kept emailing with him to see if I would get a bad vibe or if there was something off-putting about him to raise the "stranger danger" alert in my head. No such thing came up, so I agreed to stay with him for 4 nights.
I met him in the busiest station of the world, the Shinjuku station in Tokyo, during rush hour. It was bustling. He was dressed in a suit, I thought him a business man, and he seemed nice. After short introductions we were chatting and started heading off towards his house. After a few minutes of walking he told me casually that "you can't come couchsurfing in my house because my parents don't approve of it. So I have booked us a hotel room. There is only one bed though, that's OK?". I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My feet automatically stopped. I was gobsmacked. I gaped at him and in the midst of the bewilderment and utter disbelief I asked him to repeat it: maybe his English wasn't that good or I had misunderstood. He confirmed: only one bed for the two of us. I felt betrayed, shocked, disgusted. I couldn't believe what a weasel this man was. To be 100% sure I wasn't mistaken, I asked him "Did you book this hotel room because you thought I would have sex with you?" and he simply looked me in the eye and said "Yes".
After that good many things happened. The most important thing was that I was safe: we were still around the Shinjuku station so there were literally millions of people around us. I told him what a disgusting human being he was and how dare he take advantage of people's trust, trying to USE me!

That was just what Couchsurfing is NOT supposed to be, but if you are not careful it could happen to you. I remember sitting on the street in Shinjuku, thinking to myself "how did this happen?" and crying. Tears of disappointment, anger, even fear. After a few minutes I picked myself up and made a new plan but looking back I understand that I was in a state of shock. This time I was lucky: the creep revealed his disgusting plans to me while we were still in a public place and I could turn around, say no.

After this experience I have started to think about Couchsurfing differently. After the non-profit Couchsurfing website was turned into a money making machine a few years ago, they have changed for the worse. I didn't use to be afraid using the Couchsurfing website but now I'm cautious: I will carefully read the profile of the person, what other couchsurfers have said about them and also from now on if I get the slightest bad vibe, I will turn people down.

In a nut shell: I absolutely recommend Couchsurfing - but I also recommend listening to your gut and having loads of common sense. And even after that keep your sensors on. Always.

Haven called Japan*

*Author's note: This post will most likely sound like an over-the-top tourist advertisement, but I simply can not but rave about Japan! I assure you that Japanese government did not pay me to publish this :P

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Girls wearing yukatas (not kimonos)

The moment I landed in Fukuoka, a small city in the south parts of Japan, I felt a long missed sensation of a modern society. Everything was clean, efficient, no-nonsense, people were respectful, polite - they even smelled nice and clean. (I wonder if I've lived in China too long to notice the lack of body odor...)

I was impressed with how high-tech everything was, even the toilets with their built-in bidets! After dirty, old fashioned China it was so refreshing to visit a developed country and I must've looked silly smiling to myself at every turn admiring the smooth operation of everything around me. For instance: All transportation ran on time. Smoking was prohibited in most places. Even during rush hour there was no pushing or showing: people gave way to each other. People QUEUED (this NEVER happens in China) politely and quietly everywhere possible. There were signs on public transportation that asked you nicely to turn your mobile phone on mute and to refrain from speaking to it as it was disrespectful to your fellow passengers. Seriously?! I felt like I was in heaven!

Old straw boots hanging on a door of an
ancient village house. Gokayama,
West coast Japan

The genuine smiles I got from people truly warmed my heart and I fell in love with Japan during the first hour I was there.

Many Japanese people apologized for their level of English but honestly mostly everywhere I managed perfectly. Navigating throughout Japan was a piece of cake as most signs are in both Japanese and English. I traveled in six cities using the high speed trains which were marvelous. From Tokyo to Kyoto in 2 hours 20 minutes! The trains travel at 300km/h+ and have all the comforts you might want: luxurious big, reclining chairs with plenty of leg space, plugs for charging your electronic devices, AC, etc. If you're planning on traveling to Japan I highly recommend buying a Japan rail pass before entering the county - as the expense of traveling in Japan is very high.

That might actually be the only downfall of my trip in Japan: compared to China everything was very expensive. Though it was still a lot less expensive than Scandinavian countries, mind you. It was still easy to find cheap places to have a really nice meal in, but beer and other alcoholic drinks were so expensive that I didn't enjoy too many during my trip!

Miyajima Shrine

But the most important thing (for me) in Japan was the culture: I visited countless temples, shrines, a ninja house, samurai castles, ancient villages, the imperial palace and felt nothing short from impressed. I still couldn't get enough and will have to return to find out more about the history and the culture in Japan. It was truly fascinating.


The nature didn't disappoint me either: lush green forests, some of the most beautiful gardens in the world (and I've seen many), cozy city parks, clean rivers and oceans (safe drinking water) and quality of air. Inspired by all the beauty I must've walked a good 10km a day almost on daily basis! I even was spoiled with a beautiful sunset on a beach for my last night in Japan. Truly unforgettable.





















And I couldn't forget about the more creative part of my trip either: all thanks to my amazing Couchsurfing host I got to try plenty of Japanese arts and crafts, such as origami, calligraphy, paper making and I found out about the gold leafing technique.

Practicing calligraphy...it's hard!!

Decorating the paper I made myself

As a food lover the Japanese kitchen deserves to be mentioned, too - and to be honest I was anticipating the sushi for weeks before my actual trip! (And I indulged myself with it at least once or twice a day during my trip!) In addition I was lucky enough also to have my new Japanese friends cook for me and take me to amazing Japanese restaurants to eat yakitori, sashimi, tempura and other amazing dishes. I tried eel for the first time and found it very tasty. Plum sake also took my heart whereas the original sake I can't really rave about.

Finished! (This was the work of only two people)

For a food lover such as myself it was simply divine to experience the real Japanese cuisine and I can't speak too highly of it!

Sushi train! 

All in all  Japan for me was a haven. I needed an escape from the Chinese reality and I can't imagine a better cure than what I experienced :) I fell in love with the country and will organize a more (semi) permanent return to soon. To be honest if I could've gotten away with it, I would've just stayed in Japan and forgotten all about China!

Alas, Japan will have to wait for a few months. For now I'll savor my wonderful memories :)

One of Fukuoka city's parks

Revelations and life choices

I'll be honest. I never wanted to come to China to work. A couple of years ago I had an idea in my head that I wanted to go work in Japan. I'm not sure how that happened since I'd never been to Japan before and didn't know much about it, but I was determined to go through with it.
Unfortunately after I got my English teaching certificate last year the majority of opportunities for an inexperienced teacher were in China, not Japan. I tried applying for many teaching jobs in Japan only to find that I lacked the required experience. Hence, I came to China. My biggest mistake was assuming that China would be similar to Japan.
How bitterly mistaken I was.

I can confess that going to Japan was like a dream come true. Once I was there I realized that Japan was exactly what I had wanted to experience all along: old culture, ancient customs mixed beautifully and seemingly seamlessly with Western modern culture and comforts, along with polite, super friendly people. I knew that Japan was everything I was hoping for when I first flew to China. And never got.

Now I can admit to myself that I have been disappointed with China since the beginning. I don't think I need to repeat my issues with China since I often write about them: pollution, dirt, chaotic no rules mentality, rude and disrespectful manners of the general crowd.

Visiting Japan truly made me happy: in every six cities where I traveled I was thrilled that I could go and walk everywhere - and enjoy it - since there was no human waste or rubbish on the streets, no need to wear an air pollution mask, the cities were well maintained, organized and beautiful; the locals were incredibly friendly and the Japanese people are SO polite! What a contrast to my life in China.

During the trip to Japan I experienced a growing feeling that I'm wasting my time in China. I realized how it's not just enough for me. Not even for the sake of the experience anymore. Sure, it's been a novelty, the craziness has been a test whether I could adjust to an extreme existence or not. I think at the end of the day I come out as a winner: I survived the massive culture shock. I feel like I've immersed into the culture.
I read articles written by Westerners who have lived in the mega cities of China (ie. Beijing or Shanghai) and smile to their stories of how different life is for them there. Well, I can honestly say that one hasn't experienced "real China" unless they've lived outside the mega cities. You simply can't imagine how it is here unless you come and see it for yourself. Living in a mega city in China is a piece of cake compared to the small cities.

While I was in Japan I fell in love with it. Truly, it made such an impact on me I did not want to leave. The saddest part? Coming back to China AND I can't tell any of my Chinese friends here about my wonderful holiday because Chinese people hate the Japanese and everything that comes from Japan.

I see now that my time in China is coming to an end. When exactly, I am not sure. I still have some three months to go til my contract here ends but in so many ways I feel like I'm done with this all. I'm contemplating how important is it to have that full one year of teaching experience under my belt (and in my CV) versus to go and be somewhere I really want to be.

A friend of mine told me a while back that she hopes "China is either treating you well or teaching you a lesson". I think I know now which.

At the moment I'm standing on a crossroads. Where will the next path lead? I can't wait to find out :)

I feel a need to pack my bags

Lǎowài life

"Lǎowài" is Mandarin Chinese and in slang means "a foreigner". Some foreigners in China consider this an insulting name (the literal meaning of the word is "an old outsider") but I personally don't mind. So when you recognize this word you will always know when people are talking about you.

To be a lǎowài in China is a special thing. In both good and bad. Chinese people adore Western culture and adapt some of it into their own culture: the mixture is no less than hilarious! Everyone has iPhones even if it costs an average Chinese person approximately three months' wages..! Insane, isn't it! Western designer bags are worn with frilly, bejeweled, lacy, over-the-top clothing which I simply call Chinese fashion. And then there's the food - Western food is considered a special, fashionable treat here but the Chinese have twisted it into their own style. Or how would you like some fruit pizza with sweet mayonnaise, "steak" that's made of ground beef and drowned in black pepper sauce, sweet popcorn, or a hamburger with deep fried sweet chicken filet instead of a beef patty. When I get cravings for something other than Chinese food it means there's not much help to be found in the nearby restaurants. Lucky I like Chinese food!

Dragon is a powerful symbol for emperors. It's also very lucky.

Nonetheless the Chinese are enthusiastic about the Western culture and want to adapt it to theirs. That's right; they don't want to adapt to it, they want to adapt the Western culture into the Chinese culture. So what is the ultimate Western culture object? Of course a genuine lǎowài, in person. Many times I don't feel like a person but more like an object, a circus animal. Strangers come up to me, wanting to touch me, talk to me, hug me and sometimes young girls or children tell me that they love me...because I'm a white lǎowài. It blows your mind. To be a white foreigner in China is like being famous. But not the nice way: more like you're a famous monkey. "Everyone knows the monkey but the monkey doesn't know anyone" fits perfectly to my existence here.

Like a superstar I get asked to pose in pictures with random strangers I meet; when I leave my house there are strangers everywhere taking my picture without asking my permission; I get special treatment and free goodies occasionally; wherever I go people recognize me and make a fuss. Sometimes I obviously enjoy the perks of being a lǎowài: I love the fact that I'm always the most important person in the room; if I say something people will regard it as pearls of wisdom (I'm not pulling your leg); my opinion always matters; I get asked to speak or perform in events as the star of the day (I've learned a lot about performing while in China!) and sometimes companies or private people will offer me for instance free food, drink or service, and of course want me to come work for them.
Yet there's no such thing as free lunch. The flipside of lǎowài life I've obviously talked a lot about in my previous blog posts.

But things I do enjoy about China are plentiful once I think about it:

Cost of living. It's ridiculously cheap to eat out in a restaurant, take a taxi, buy groceries or fly across China! In saying that I have found that many people do try to take advantage of the poor old lǎowài: I get usually asked for triple to price for anything I purchase. It takes time to understand how things work and after that it's all up to your guts and negotiation skills on how much you will actually pay for the things that have no price tag!

Sober streets. There are no drunks anywhere in public areas! When Chinese people drink it's only mostly the men and they still behave themselves quite well. No fights, no excess noise or trouble, exactly opposite to what we have in any city in the West. In this way the Chinese are super civil people! I always feel safe walking down the streets no matter what time of the day or night it is.

Corruption. A two bladed sword since if you have money or influential friends, there are no limits to what you can do. Or just fake it! For instance for many foreigners it works well: if they don't have the requirements or the experience to get a job they want, they can just make something up and/or fake certificates. Golden!

Perks. Usually your employer would want to treat you well because you are the lǎowài employee and very important for the company. I am the only lǎowài working for my school so I get taken out for free lunches, dinners, they organize little trips to entertain me and in general all my colleagues try to make my life as comfortable as possible here. It doesn't hurt to be a nice person either: I get told frequently that people are so nice to me because I'm such a lovely person to everyone.

Ego boost. People will tell you constantly how beautiful you are because you're so white! Coming from Scandinavia my skin is super white, my hair quite long and naturally dirty blonde so people are always complimenting me on my beauty. It feels nice, especially since sometimes you feel like a fat giant compared to the size 0, petite Chinese people!

All in all life as a lǎowài is always anything but boring in China. And after a while you will take it as "normal". Problem might prove to be that good old Western life could possibly seem rather dull and mundane after the Chinese lifestyle.

Long live everyday roller coaster existence!

When am I going home?

I get asked this question a lot when I meet new people. Especially when they hear I've been traveling for a few years already they inquire eagerly, "so when will you go home?". My answer goes pretty much something like this: "probably never". Sometimes people reply with a laughter or a sceptical "really?" but mostly I get the raised eyebrows. And it seems like people who ask this question never seem to be satisfied with my answer, which can be simplified to this: I don't want to return to my home country ever again permanently if I can help it.

Why?

Because I'm a traveler. A modern day vagabond.

I don't think of myself as part of one nation anymore, and though I am grateful for my home country for all the wonderful things it enables me to do (thanks for the strong passport!), I genuinely consider myself a citizen of the world. It's a cliché, but "wherever I lay my hat, that's my home". (Makes me wish I wore a hat.)

I don't want the "normal life" where you work for a meaningless company year after year (or decade after decade), live in the same city/country, get married, have children, watch your pension grow and get so distracted by the daily mundane things so that life passes you by. For me all that seems like a waste of life. Majority of people call this "life". I don't want it.

I want to make clear, so I don't hurt anyone's feelings here, that I don't criticize other people who choose the traditional way of life: go for it! Just don't tell me that I need to make the same decisions as you did, as if it was the only way to live.

"Surely you'll want to settle down one day" is what I hear a lot. Yeah, maybe. But right now I can't imagine staying in one place for more than a few months. One year in one place seems to make me itchy! The world is so big, beautiful and full of adventures just waiting for us to jump on the opportunity!

The scariest thing for me nowadays is to have a long term plan or tie myself up with responsibilities or material possessions. Longer I travel the more I realize that the material things we are taught to yearn and desire are there to hold us back. More stuff I have, less I have freedom. I'm slowly becoming a minimalist. I still like things, like a girl I like pretty clothes and shoes. But I don't own 200 pairs anymore. (Yes, I did use to own more than 200 pairs of shoes. But that's a different story for another day).

"But what about your family?" ask the people who are apparently worried that I never talk to my folks. Well I can honestly say that in many ways my relationship with my family has never been better since I started traveling! I'm way more honest with them now about what I want and what I don't want it life, so we don't argue about things as much as before. They have given me 100% of their love and support throughout these years. Sure I don't see them very regularly, but when I finally go home to see them, we spend quality time together AND for an extended period of time, not just for a few days. I feel their presence strongly in my everyday life and I dare to say they do, too.

And same goes for my friends: leaving home was the best test to see who really would stick around when there was not much to stick around for: I didn't visit home for the first three years I started traveling and I was nervous when I went back.. Would they forgive me for being a "bad friend"? I was so happy, relieved and lucky to still have so many good friends left to welcome me with open arms :) Like many things in life, it's not about the quantity, it's about the quality. I have dear, old friends back at home and then I have friends whom I've met while traveling and they feel like old friends. I am so blessed to have amazing people around me - no matter if they're near or far.

"Don't you want to get married?" is one thing people ask me frequently, probably because I'm apparently in "that age" (to settle down, I am told). It seems to shock many when I tell them that I'm happy being single. That a relationship for a person who travels is usually more of burden than anything else. Sure, sometimes I feel like it would be nice to have a special someone. But special someones aren't easy to find. And since I started traveling it would take a lot for a man to adjust to my way of life. Yes, he would have to adjust to my travels, I wouldn't sacrifice my love for adventure or independence for anyone. Of course I would love to meet a man who could join me in what I do - but if I have to choose between a relationship and traveling, I choose traveling.
Traveling is so far my one and only true love.

And then there's my all time favorite...

"You've been traveling for so many years, seriously?! You're so lucky!" Whoaa, excuse me, lucky? I guess it was lucky that I decided to buy that one way ticket to the other side of the world, quit my job, sell my possessions, leave my home, say goodbye to everything familiar or dear to me just to go and explore countries which I knew nothing of.. Oh no wait, no, that was not luck, that was actually all ME. Like a friend of mine said, who's also been traveling for many years, I'd also like to say that I did not win a traveling lottery. I made sacrifices and choices to be where I am now and to do what I do. It was a lot of hard work sometimes.

I've had so many wonderful, amazing moments throughout these years! But also plenty of difficulties, challenges and hardships that come when living and traveling abroad. Moments of utter confusion, desperation, uncertainties. "Luck" didn't help me when it was so hard that I had to kick myself in the butt, wipe my tears, forget my doubts and move on just to stay sane. In the end I found safety in who I am and in the decisions I made. Luck doesn't help you with that.


Home? It's always with me and I take it everywhere I go.

Things foreigners NEVER say in China

Since lately life in China has been a tad challenging, I have found it helpful to talk to my foreign friends here and also reading online what other expats are going through. It's always a relief that no matter how I'm feeling there's always someone who's going through the same issues or has been through them and know exactly how I feel.
When those feelings of utter helplessness and desire to throw in the towel wash over me it makes the world of difference to know you're not alone.

I joined a funny Facebook group where foreigners living in China vent about their issues. The group is called "Things foreigners NEVER say in China" and the idea is to post a sarcastic sentence, something a foreigner living in China would never say and which describes the Chinese way of life - or our, foreigners, life in China.
I'd like to share some of my favourite quotes from this group. So these are quotes from some of the people in the group:


"I was only a mild fan of karaoke before. But you allowing your primary-school-aged children to sing seven songs in a row really sold me on what a fantastic art form it is."

This made me laugh because I remembered my first time in a Chinese KTV (short for Karaoke TV): my friend had invited me to have dinner with her family and her family friends. There were around 5 to 6 children between 3 and 12 years old and three couples. After dinner they wanted to take me to a KTV, this was was 9pm. I was surprised: wouldn't the younger children need to get to bed soon? Also the men were pretty drunk at this stage, so I was wondering how we would mix sober wives, drunk husbands, young children and myself, a foreigner never been to a KTV before. When we got to the KTV they immediately shoved the microphone in my hand expecting me to start singing. I was flabbergasted throughout the night, watching the adults singing their favourite songs and the children playing recklessly, shouting in the extra microphones fur fun (you can imagine how loud) and running around til midnight. It was surreal.


"I really enjoy discussing politics in China. People are so well informed and insightful."

Ah, politics in China. I personally try not to get into this. When people ask me about economy and politics in my country, I try to give a short answer. Nothing spells awkward more than talking of freedom of speech and democracy to citizens in a country where these things are mere fantasies.


"Wow - that's really convenient, I'm going to cut the seam out of my kid's pants too. I'm going to save a ton on diapers!"

If you haven't been to China you can't imagine the crotchless pants. The children who are not potty trained wear these trousers that simply have a slit in the middle, a.k.a. crotchless pants. I can not count the amount of baby genitals I've seen during my time in China or witnessed babies peeing and pooing both indoors and outdoors. When you see a turd on the street in China, it is more likely to be human feces than animal.


"When they build something here, they really do it properly don't they."

Architecture is not really Chinese people's strong point. I have been to buildings wondering to myself how old they must be: I can see mold, dirt, things falling apart...and then I'm told the building is only a few years old. Apparently, I was told, that buildings in China are built to last about 30 years. 


"Yes please open the windows! pm2.5 is only 800 today. it's good for us!"
"it's the middle of summer with all the windows open and 90% humidity...OF COURSE I'll accept your hot water! I must have been cold and didn't know it!"
"I know it's so cold that the water in the toilet is frozen, but would you mind opening every window in the house for a couple hours so that we can change all that stale filtered air for fresh polluted air?"

These quotes sum it up: Chinese people like to "air" the houses, no matter how hot or cold outside air is. When the pollution levels are high I always feel like my lungs are filled with cancer as naturally my school also keeps windows and doors open.
(PM2.5 is an air pollutant, one of the most dangerous kind as the particles are tiny. In China many foreigners, like myself, check the PM2.5 levels every day to know whether to wear a breathing mask or not.)


"More fish/chicken heads in my soup!"
"I love eating prawns with the shell on."

Yes, animal heads in soups are delicious if you ask the Chinese. Also they look at me like a weirdo when I peel my prawn shells... But after I had food poisoning from prawns, I decided not to eat them in China. Ever. Again.


"I'm sorry, I can't do any work at the moment, I have to watch Chinese TV shows on my phone."

I used to think that Asian people are so hard working because they always seem to be at their work place. Then I noticed that when Chinese people come to work, their standard of work is not really the same as for us Westerners... People watch TV shows on their phones, they make personal phone calls (my assistants answer their phones during my class when they are there to translate!), they SLEEP on the job, and pretty much do everything that would NOT be okay for us in the West. The Chinese complain about their small salaries, and yes they don't make much money, but compared to what they actually DO during their working hours..I'd say the compensation is fairly decent.


"The customer service here is fantastic, and the staff are so friendly!"

There is no such thing as customer service in China. You're happy if someone will take your order and once you give them your money you get what you paid for. Also forget about manners: just because they work in a customer service profession doesn't mean they have to even try to be nice to you.


"I'm not going to worry about dental care for my children's teeth, it's not like anyone sees them anyway. I think I'll spend a huge amount of money on a Michael Kors bag instead."

Many people in China have bad teeth. Probably because daily brushing of teeth is not a habit in China... It's funny how Chinese people would actually buy an expensive Western car, designer clothes or a bigger house to show off how much money they have, but not take care of their (oral) hygiene.


"I hear China Post is really reliable."

It sure is! Personally I did have to order a new credit card from home and have it sent here to China and miraculously it did arrive. But I know people have lost plenty of things: parcels that didn't make it here because a custom officer decided that he needed the item that was being delivered (oh yes, this happens) or the tax on things are so high it makes no sense to order anything. Also what I find hilarious is the fact that the Post offices don't sell stamps, letters or actually send anything...You usually have to send something via a courier to post it. Funny, seeing as the word "post" actually means literally to send something..


"More fireworks! Especially those 50m firecrackers that go off for 15 minutes! I never knew I could enjoy them so much!"

In China there are fireworks and firecrackers going off every day! I have tried to ask why from my local Chinese friends what is the reason behind this, but I'm still waiting for an answer that makes sense. So far, though, I've discovered that fireworks go off when someone's getting married or there's a funeral. But you do see them here on daily basis. Thanks to the thin walls, you also hear them constantly... And the firecrackers can be somewhat alarming when you're walking down the street and all of a sudden you're in the midst of a big racket and intense smoke starts to form: for a fraction of a second you always wonder if it's a shooting incident or good old firecrackers.

You can find the Facebook group "Things that foreigners NEVER say in China" here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/360759013944855/ 


I hope you found these quotes as funny as I did; they do give a good idea about the most common oddities we foreigners face here.

Like one of my friends said: "it's totally different than home - isn't that why we're all here?". :)

Zàijiàn!

When Things Go All WONG...

I've had a rough couple of weeks lately.
I've broken down crying helplessly, hating my surroundings and feeling sorry for myself.
I've wondered what I'm doing here, for it has seemed pointless at times. And too hard. Just too damn hard existing as a foreigner in this country.

In fact for a long while everything has seemed to be a struggle which I couldn't overcome. I didn't see a way out of. I felt sad, depressed, angry, frustrated. I had almost had enough of China.

So what happened? Nothing out of the ordinary, really. When I say out of the ordinary, I mean out of the ordinary compared to my life here in China since December last year. Which is not "ordinary" compared to my life in all the four other Western Countries I've lived previously throughout my life.

I'm a straight shooter. Throughout this blog I've written honestly about my experiences in China and I've never sugarcoated anything nor tried to make it sound glamorous. So some of you will know that though it has been an adventure like no other coming here, full of eccentricities, funny situations, hilarious mishaps and making friends, there has also been the flipside. I've talked a lot about the language barrier. The pollution. The rudeness of Chinese people. Dirt and grime everywhere. And it just so happened to me a few weeks ago that all these things seemed to quantify out of proportion and bury me under them.

Nothing specific happened to start my spiraling to darkness. But one day on my way to catch a taxi to work I surprised myself as I bursted into tears. Knowing that who ever would stop to pick me up, the taxi driver would probably not understand my Chinese when I gave him the address, after which he would try to rip me off by charging me at least double the cost of the fare and I would end up in a fight with him. And I would have to take all this only to be taken to a working environment where I couldn't communicate with anyone and felt utterly isolated. And after that a new challenge, and after that another, and after that...
I thought I would shake it off during the day. But it got worse.

After work I went to the supermarket. I had a customer pestering me, a young woman who insisted on speaking to me in Chinese though I told her on several occasion that I do not understand nor speak Chinese. All I wanted was to buy bananas. And to be left alone after a challenging day. No such luck.
My grocery shopping is always tormented by mostly the supermarket staff who attack me like vultures. I felt like screaming "leave me alone!" as they kept following me and blabbering at me, but I managed to hold myself together. But I almost lost it when one of the staff members popped in front of my face around a corner and took a picture of me with her iPhone. That was the last straw. I rushed out of the store, angry, so angry. It had been too much.

Little things like these happen multiple times every day, just as they always have happened during my life in China, but I was really struggling to accept them this time around.

I don't know if I got sick because of all the anxiety, anger and depressive thoughts, or vice versa, but I started to come down with something suddenly. I felt like I had no energy to face anything outside my comfortable apartment. Everything seemed like a big struggle. Commuting. Communicating. Shopping.

The only people who I could actually talk to, who would understand how I was feeling and what I was going through were my other foreign friends here. I talked to them openly about my feelings, like we always do within the group. They made me feel better, but the effect didn't last long.

And then one day as I was at work I fell into peaces: I started sobbing again helplessly. I was sent home for the rest of the day and I felt relieved. But not better.
And then the next day it happened again. Only this time around it was more like howling instead of crying, with tears pouring down my face. I felt a horrible sadness and anger inside me. My Chinese colleagues were lovely and understanding, as I had told them how I had been feeling. I was consoled and looked after.

This exact same thing happened once more at my work place. My colleagues were starting to get worried and they weren't the only ones: I felt as surprised as I felt miserable. When would I feel better again, I wondered.

I have always been in touch with who I am and what I want in life: I'm one of those people who spend a lot of time working on myself mentally and spiritually, constantly trying to better myself. So I rarely experience feelings that surprise me. But this amount of rage which I was suddenly experiencing was surprising to me. I sat down and pondered whether I could - or should - stay in China until the end of my contract. It was still 5 months away.
Then all of a sudden I found resurrection: my summer holiday is coming up next month and I decided that to save my mental health and to lift my spirits I would simply have to leave China for two weeks. To get away from it all. And as I thought of this a  wave of relief washed over me! That night I radiated of positive energy again and I stayed up late planning my exciting holiday! After that I have felt like my old self again :)

For now I have decided to take it day by day. China is certainly a challenge, but I feel like it has taught me so much. I have appreciation towards life now more than I have ever had before. I have stepped out of my comfort zone. Or it feels like not a step but a plunge into a sea of non-comfort zone.

Throughout this experience in China I've been forced to open my mind, challenge my view of the world and learn how to swim against the current. I still got some kick in me to keep on swimming!

Zàijiàn!

I wish Chinese really was this easy! :)