Revelations and life choices

I'll be honest. I never wanted to come to China to work. A couple of years ago I had an idea in my head that I wanted to go work in Japan. I'm not sure how that happened since I'd never been to Japan before and didn't know much about it, but I was determined to go through with it.
Unfortunately after I got my English teaching certificate last year the majority of opportunities for an inexperienced teacher were in China, not Japan. I tried applying for many teaching jobs in Japan only to find that I lacked the required experience. Hence, I came to China. My biggest mistake was assuming that China would be similar to Japan.
How bitterly mistaken I was.

I can confess that going to Japan was like a dream come true. Once I was there I realized that Japan was exactly what I had wanted to experience all along: old culture, ancient customs mixed beautifully and seemingly seamlessly with Western modern culture and comforts, along with polite, super friendly people. I knew that Japan was everything I was hoping for when I first flew to China. And never got.

Now I can admit to myself that I have been disappointed with China since the beginning. I don't think I need to repeat my issues with China since I often write about them: pollution, dirt, chaotic no rules mentality, rude and disrespectful manners of the general crowd.

Visiting Japan truly made me happy: in every six cities where I traveled I was thrilled that I could go and walk everywhere - and enjoy it - since there was no human waste or rubbish on the streets, no need to wear an air pollution mask, the cities were well maintained, organized and beautiful; the locals were incredibly friendly and the Japanese people are SO polite! What a contrast to my life in China.

During the trip to Japan I experienced a growing feeling that I'm wasting my time in China. I realized how it's not just enough for me. Not even for the sake of the experience anymore. Sure, it's been a novelty, the craziness has been a test whether I could adjust to an extreme existence or not. I think at the end of the day I come out as a winner: I survived the massive culture shock. I feel like I've immersed into the culture.
I read articles written by Westerners who have lived in the mega cities of China (ie. Beijing or Shanghai) and smile to their stories of how different life is for them there. Well, I can honestly say that one hasn't experienced "real China" unless they've lived outside the mega cities. You simply can't imagine how it is here unless you come and see it for yourself. Living in a mega city in China is a piece of cake compared to the small cities.

While I was in Japan I fell in love with it. Truly, it made such an impact on me I did not want to leave. The saddest part? Coming back to China AND I can't tell any of my Chinese friends here about my wonderful holiday because Chinese people hate the Japanese and everything that comes from Japan.

I see now that my time in China is coming to an end. When exactly, I am not sure. I still have some three months to go til my contract here ends but in so many ways I feel like I'm done with this all. I'm contemplating how important is it to have that full one year of teaching experience under my belt (and in my CV) versus to go and be somewhere I really want to be.

A friend of mine told me a while back that she hopes "China is either treating you well or teaching you a lesson". I think I know now which.

At the moment I'm standing on a crossroads. Where will the next path lead? I can't wait to find out :)

I feel a need to pack my bags