As human beings we are social animals and to a certain extent we all need interaction with other humans. But in addition to that spending time with fellow human beings can become a strain instead of a pleasure, as it should be.
I have globetrotted more or less by myself, independently, for several years now and sometimes people I encounter are worried that I'm lonely. I get dubious looks when I exclaim that I love traveling alone. People don't seem to be quite convinced anyone would actually enjoy such solitude. The beauty of solo traveling is that you get to socialize more when you are not tied to any one individual - it easily transforms you to a social butterfly.
A single traveler is never truly alone unless they want to be. I have found some fantastic people when I've traveled alone around the world - those encounters probably wouldn't have happened had I been with someone at the time.
For a long time, for nearly 11 months, I traveled with a close friend when I first started out on this journey that I'm still on. We were extremely before close before starting our trip but the 24/7 mode and the intensity it created nearly destroyed our friendship. Eating, sleeping, sharing anything and everything with another person will fast become an absolute trial for the relationship, no matter how strong it is. After I realized what a strain it was to travel with someone you loved - but whom you also started to hate in ways indescribable - I went from one extreme to another and adapted single travel, where I could decide everything for myself with no need for compromises. I genuinely think that my friendship was nearly destroyed with a very dear friend because of the insane pressure of constant presence. I was happy, relieved to my core, when our ways naturally departed and our friendship remained.
This incident was definitely the first step for me in preferring solitude and isolation to companionship. Before this I used to be drawn to big, loud crowds with lots going on. I enjoyed being the loudest person in the midst of mayhem, the centre of attention. In what seems like a short time I have become quite selective of the company I choose to keep. I find I no longer have time for people I don't feel I click, connect with. Nowadays I will choose to keep my own company more often than not.
And indeed, being alone does not equal being lonely. The meaning of this was emphasized when I lived in China and for the first time ever in my life I found that I had very limited options to socialize. Due to the small number of foreigners living in my rural city it was difficult to find people whose company I genuinely enjoyed. Luckily though I did connect with a handful of people who still remain close to me. But other than that my social circles were tiny. My Chinese colleagues possibly felt a need to invite me to social gatherings - unfortunately I found little comfort in these situations.
Besides our cultural differences and the locals viewing me as a mere white, token foreigner, the conversation was never what I felt I needed. The language barrier obviously didn't help. I was also genuinely surprised how narrow-minded and superficial I found the people I worked with. After a while I started declining invitations to social events from my Chinese colleagues. I know they tried but I was frankly left more miserable by those gatherings than if I had stayed at home alone all day.
During that year in China I truly embraced my inner hermit. The novelty of truly finding company in myself to that extent was intoxicating. I focused on myself, my passions, more than ever. I was alone most of the time but by no means was I lonely.
If I ever felt lonely in China during that year was when I was the only foreigner in a group of Chinese people, being invited to a party or another, where no one would talk with me and I was left to my own devices. Did the rest of the company really think I would enjoy being a part of a herd in such circumstances?
Regardless to say I didn't feel like I missed out on much when I decided to turn down further invitations.
The experience in China has escalated my preferences even further: I mostly prefer my own company anymore. I do enjoy social gatherings but I rather invest in quality than quantity. I find I get irritated if I don't have enough personal time and am "forced" to be around people for too long.
It's a stark contrast to the person who I used to be, the one who couldn't get enough of the company of others, almost afraid to be alone.
None the less I find becoming a bit of a hermit has improved my self-knowledge and deepened my self-awareness in many positive ways.*
Hermits of the world,
*I have written this in my bed, wearing my PJs for the entire day and having made no social plans whatsoever for the day. Luxury.
