All aboard!

I sit on my reserved seat in a shinkansen, a Japanese bullet train, once again. A week ago I was heading in the opposite direction in more ways than just the physical point of view. A week ago there was beautiful sunshine and my mind was glittering as well, feeling extremely happy, excited about the new road ahead of me. But today I’m leaving behind Kyoto, my first home in Japan and heading towards something new; my massive suitcase filled with junk I’ve bought to make me feel more ready to attack this new change.

It’s raining and that perfectly suits my mood. After pouting by myself the entire morning and feeling nervous about leaving Kyoto, I shed a few tears over someone very dear to me I had to say goodbye to. And I’m a little terrified of moving to somewhere completely new again; my new apartment which I have not yet seen, my students which I have not yet met and the everyday life in a small coastal city I have yet to discover.

But I know myself so well I already know tonight my mood might have changed completely. Right now I might miss the comfort of a person dear to me and feel anxious about jumping to something unknown again – but as a matter of fact I’ve done this all a million times before and I know I’ll be fine. Better than fine, as it usually turns out. Later I will say to myself “what WAS that fuss about!” and laugh out loud at myself.

New beginnings are always a mixed bag, though. In a way I perfectly understand people who choose to stay at their comfort zone and never really challenge themselves: we all enjoy the (false) feelings of safety. When the going gets rough most people want to go home because that’s the ultimate safe place. When I feel under the weather it’s not easy to find that “safety” because as it turns out, I don’t have a home. Which has been completely my own choice for many years now and I still stand behind it. Since I don’t have the safety of a place to call home I’ve had to grown to be my own safety ring. I’ve become more confident in who I am and in the choices I’ve made that if I really have a bad day I can take look in the mirror, weigh my options at my current life situation and remind myself how I got to be there. My safe place is the confidence I have in my choices. And it has really liberated me in a lot of ways.

But alas, for some reason or another life is sometimes terrifying. I often wonder to myself what it is that we people are so afraid of in life? I haven’t figured it out yet, but I’m pretty sure I’m doing something right because every year I grow less and less afraid of living a life filled with new challenges and adventures. I’m pretty sure constant challenges are the key, or as the cliché famous amongst travellers goes, “life begins at the end of your comfort zone”.

I very recently watched a BBC documentary about J.K. Rowling and when she talked about her passion to be a writer it really hit home for me. “As soon as I knew that people wrote books (…) I knew that’s what I wanted to do. I can’t ever remember not wanting to be a writer. (…) I can’t honestly understand why you don’t want to be a writer. I can’t understand why the whole world doesn’t want to be a writer. What’s better than it?” Rowling completely describes how I feel about globetrotting. I travel because I think it’s the best thing in the world and nothing else compares. I simply can not fathom that not everyone want to leave their jobs and travel aimlessly!

Alas, these butterflies in my stomach today should turn into jolts of excitement and happy tingling by the end of the week. And THAT is what I travel for!

Shinkansen, a Japanese bullet train