When I first got to China I was a bit afraid how the locals in this small city would treat me based on my looks: I had heard stories that many Westerners get commented on their weight, skin, hair and on their general appearances a lot and how for us it might sound rude and highly inappropriate. As my Chinese is slightly evolving and I understand more of what people around me say, I am getting the general feel now more than before: looks are something that people are obsessed with. I say people, but in reality I only ever hear women go on about them.
To set the appearances record straight, in the West I'm a female of perfectly average height, 168 cm (around 5 foot 6 inches) but am a few good kilos above the average weight, though nowhere near obese. Being from Scandinavia I look the part: my skin is super white and my hair is naturally (a dirty) blonde.
So to the Chinese people I look like a freak - in both good and bad.
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| I'm horrified to hear even the Chinese Jaws thinks I'm too big for him ;) |
I remember my first day in my new home city last December as I was running around the city with my Chinese assistant and I encountered some strange and hilarious people. I especially remember getting into a cab where the Chinese driver, a man, and his passenger, a woman, gawked at me whilst I sat in the back seat and started laughing out loud heartily! My assistant told me that they thought I looked so white it was ridiculous! I smirked, no harm done. That same day I had another situation, also in a cab, when I sat in the front seat and the lady passenger in the back seat suddenly yanked my hair... My assistant was horrified and apologised to me, explaining how the lady had never seen a white person and apparently my hair looked so strange that she had to touch it, just to make sure it wasn't fake. I managed a laugh, it was so absurd!
My first week both at the kindergarten and the training centre where I work full time, the children were fascinated and somewhat afraid of me. The teachers told me I look so strange to them that some of them will need time to adjust to me. The bravest little buggers surrounded me though, and bombarded me with questions that were promptly translated to me: "Where are you from? Are you Japanese? Are you Russian? Are you a man or a woman? Why is your skin so white? Why are your eyes so big/blue/green? Why is your hair so white? Why is your nose so big? Why can't you speak Chinese" ...and on it went. I thought they were cute nonetheless, and so brave and curious to see the scary foreigner. I let them touch my hair, my face, and many of them came so close they could inspect every inch of my face carefully! This happens still regularly to this day, though the children are now so used to me that they are very comfortable around me - and vice versa.
Since day one the adults I work with were always quick to give me a compliment. I'm still not sure whether it is their custom or if it was done for my sake, being a foreigner in a strange country that needs to be made feel better. I still get told almost on daily basis how white I am, and this is the greatest compliment a Chinese person can give. At first I was always a bit sad, because obviously us Westerners would like to be tanned, so I nodded along gloomily, "yes, I'm so white". Then it really hit me and I realised they desperately want to be as white as I am, so I tried to make them feel better and informed all my Chinese friends that actually Western people want to be browner! The look on their faces were of disbelief and confusion: why would anyone want to be brown? I told them that for us white skin looks unattractive and we spend a lot of time and money to get tanned: solar beds, self tanning products, unhealthy sunbathing with no sunscreen.. I finally convinced them I wasn't joking and they were somewhat shocked by the fact that us white people, with perfect skin, would ruin that all by tanning. I've had plentiful long talks with local people about the beauty standards in the West versus China and we never seem to get no further than stating: in China white is beautiful, in West tanned is sexy. On a positive note it has made me re-evaluate why we have these strange (almost impossible) ideas of beauty and what beautiful is. Maybe we're all victims of the cosmetic industry and our society telling us how we should look. So as a result, I'm this year embracing my white skin and not getting tanned. Then again the rebel thing to do would be to get a beautiful tan and see what my friends say about that... I wonder if they would see me as beautiful anymore?
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| My friend reckons we look gorgeous. I reckon I could do with a tan! |
As I mentioned, I'm not a small girl. And before coming to China I had gained quite a bit of weight during my travels and I was wary about this. But when I arrived here, to my surprise everyone kept showering me with compliments. It wasn't until a lot later, when I found out the word for "fat" in Chinese, that I started to hear it more. Some of the children comment on my weight, rubbing my tummy while they do. But as I see their little smiling faces full of love I know they don't mean it in a disrespectful way, so I smile at them and pat their little heads. We're friends, and I can't be mad at them. To be fair, many of the kids call me beautiful on daily basis. I don't think "fat" here is as bad of a word as we think of it in the West. But don't quote me on that one...
For instance, I had dinner with some relatives of my friend's and after a nice night the mother, in her late 50's, was smiling as she looked at me and said "oh, we look the same, we're both fat". After that she told me I looked beautiful. I was still trying to get used to the Chinese culture so wasn't sure how to take it, which meant I simply smiled and nodded along.
As I've been in China for over four months now I have made an effort to eat healthier. I am happy the Chinese diet consists of mostly protein and fat, as this means there is virtually no dairy, sugar or wheat in any of the food. And I've never felt better! The food I eat here is healthy and nutritious. As I mostly eat at work or go out with friends for meals, I have no food in the house, which has proved to be a great success: I have nothing to munch on when sugar cravings hit me late at night. As a result, I've lost weight.
Now that it's spring and we're peeling off those heavy winter layers (of clothing), people are starting to notice this. At first it's obviously complimentary: any woman appreciates hearing she looks thinner (as it means obviously more beautiful, right..). But then it can be overbearing and irritating: my assistant genuinely got scared when she realised I've lost weight: she said my mother must be horrified if she finds out and she's probably wondering whether they're taking good care of me here in China! I laughed out loud in my head: I couldn't laugh in real life because she was so painfully serious. I told her many times that losing weight is due to healthier eating habits, and I assure I'm feeling great. She insisted for several times that it's worrisome, until I got irritated and told her to please drop the matter as I'm fine. It worked and now I'm not being pestered by her.
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| I've always had a good giggle about this add that appears next to my work place. But now in my confused, twisted head it means one has to be smaller, alas less, to be in fashion! |
Reactions concerning my weight(loss) do occur constantly : only today I had lunch at my school and the head teacher walked in, I waved at her, and she squinted, came very close to me and told me in Chinese that I have lost a lot of weight. I knew what she was saying, but I was too tired to have this conversation in Chinese, so I pretended not to understand. She then just complimented me by saying I look beautiful. I thanked her and continued my meal. But it got me thinking - again - how very intrusive Chinese people are when it comes to matters of appearances. It seems to be everybody's business how you look. The average woman in China is painfully thin: anyone who's of normal weight (to Western standards) is considered "fat". The phenomena is quite alarming to me.
In China small is not only good, but it's the only size. Have you ever thought about where the "one size fits all" concept comes from? In China especially women have to fit within one size. This can be seen everywhere. I have a couple of Chinese girlfriends who are my height, so they're considered very tall, and though they probably weigh like 50 kg, they struggle to find clothes from the shops: they told me they usually buy size XXL. I told them back in the West I usually buy size XL. They nearly dropped their eyeballs right there and then. But I can't blame them, as in this society things are done for the majority, and the majority is super tiny.
For instance, my winter boots fell apart when it was still cold a few months ago. I needed new shoes and wanted boots. Obviously no shop sells my size as I'm a whopping size 40 (EU). I decided to go and get my shoes done by a cobbler. What does he tell me? He can't make shoes that big!! What?? I was ready to throw in the towel, but my friend took me to a sports shop where they had unisex shoes and I managed to find myself a pair of winter shoes. My year was officially saved as my toes were no longer freezing. What little shopping enthusiasm I had left in me died with this experience. Shopping is now a curse word for me.
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| My two very good friends, both who are as tall as I am and wear the Chinese size XXL. They do look massive, eh.... |
Another funny example of how the country is made only for tiny people: I joined my Chinese colleagues for a day trip to an amusement park in a city called Zheng Zhou. It never crossed my mind that I might be too big to ride in any of the rides in the park - I mean, only the deadly obese people who can't walk anymore don't fit in the rides, right? But as I sat in the first ride of the day and they strapped me in, lowered the safety bar and I could no longer feel my thighs it hit me: I might struggle today! I have never been more relieved than when the ride was over and the sensation of blood pumping returned to my thighs. I decided not to tell this to my Chinese friends though, I didn't want them being overly worried or affected by this. So off we go to the next ride! It was a twister and looked awesome so I happily forgot my previous experience. As we're standing there in line chatting away happily, one of the staff members walked up to me and said I might not fit in the harness, hence I might not be able to ride. I felt so absurd! I wanted to shout out loud "Look at me! I'm not obese! I fit into every ride ever made in Disneyland!". But I waited for my turn to try if I "fit in", and it turned out I did. As I did with all the other rides in the park: though to be honest one can't be any bigger than I am, otherwise the belts won't reach or the safety bars won't lock properly. It's safe to say I had a taste of what those deadly obese people feel like when they go to Disneyland. It's not nice! But luckily a catastrophy was avoided and everyone was able to enjoy the day out. Including my big, white self!
What originally inspired me to write this post today about the importance of appearances in China was the fact that after I returned home this afternoon from my lunch at the kindergarten, where I was complimented on losing weight, I had a text message from a friend of mine saying that she "heard I have lost weight". This person works with me and regularly sees me at school 3 days a week, yet today she had to inform me via a text that someone told her I lost weight? I must mention that this is the same friend I traveled with for two weeks and when I had horrible diarrhea and was in serious agony, she nonchalantly told me how lucky I was to have this condition, as she "would be so happy to get diarrhea in order to lose weight"... That left me speechless then and still does. Are Chinese women really that desperate to get even smaller they wish to have a painful illness??
I hope I've managed to share my experiences with you properly. I don't think Chinese people are vicious or evil, on the contrary I still think they are caring, kind people. But as in the West we have our own twisted perceptions of looks, the Chinese have their own - and perhaps they're more severe in theirs.
At the end of the day, this is merely one more thing to be put down as cultural differences.
From the belly of the dragon (pun intended)...
Zàijiàn!
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| Ironically I think my thighs are a good size, though they barely fit in the Chinese amusement park's rides, but my friend thinks her thighs are too big! |
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