Assumptions can be silly, annoying and from time to time flat out ridiculous - insulting even - yet we all assume many things throughout our days and it seems down right impossible to go on in life without assumptions. I do think some assumptions are necessary, ie. the sun will probably rise tomorrow and the world won't come to an end. Quite vital, right!
But it's the assumptions we make about other people that we should be wary of. Usually we draw conclusions based on how other people look - how they dress, do their hair, their physique - or what they do for a living or where and how they live. You might be thinking "so...what's wrong with that?". Well, let me ask you a question: have you ever had people make assumptions of who you are - possibly right after meeting you? Are those assumptions usually accurate or not? How do you feel when someone thinks they got you figured out just by assessing you by your appearances, nationality, sex, race or religion?
Due to having been a foreigner living in many different countries there are always some sort of light assumptions being made about me. For instance in China and now in Japan the locals are very surprised that I master eating with chopsticks as they assume Westerners can't use them. In Australia people were dubious that I enjoyed the hot, extreme weather in the outback as they assumed I had never experienced anything like it. In New Zealand the Kiwis were shocked whenever I complained about the cold, unheated houses because they assumed I was accustomed to crappy insulation. And the Irish were confused that I didn't sound like a Finnish person but thought I was Australian.
So what's the problem with assumptions? Quite frankly I personaly hate it when I meet people and they ask me a) where I'm from and b) what I do after which they then pretend to have me figured out. Many assume that I'm only in that current country for a fixed time and will then return home to my "normal" life. When I tell them how long I've been traveling and that I generally don't have a "plan" other than to keep on traveling people always seem confused. Now they don't have me figured out anymore and it's scary. I know I'm not alone with this as I have vagabond friends who have had same experiences with many people around the globe.
I faced a very similar situation with assumptions when I was younger and still living in my home country. I was a rather loud, outgoing personality - people called me "life of the party" and I was very pretty, which made me quite popular. Now, I will try not to sound too obnoxious when I say this, but I've always been a deep thinker underneath my crazy exterior. From a young age I've pondered about ethics, philosophical questions, psychology and I was an avid reader who could get lost in books for days. (And I still am.) Additionally many difficult, even traumatic things happened to me when I was younger that forced me to grow and become a strong, independent person quite quickly. But because of my funny, care-free exterior not many people seemed to venture beneath that layer. Many friends were surprised to find out that I was not only a fun party girl but also a serious ponderer. They had labelled me so vehemently to this one certain box that I can only assume (!) they were so confused about this U-turn that they did not want to let me out of this box labelled "fun and crazy". It would've been too difficult to "redefine" a person they thought they had known for years.
A good friend of mine from those younger years confessed to me only a while back that she and many of my friends were worried when I started my travels because they weren't sure if I would actually make it out there in the great big world! I was flabbergasted to hear this. Some of my closest friends had made such huge assumptions of me - that were so inaccurate - that it felt like they didn't even know me!
I'm not sure how my friends - or other people for that matter - categorize me now. I'm sure they do put me in a nice, convenient box with a label to match and it makes me sad.
In reality none of us are just one thing or another: we are mosaics of many different things and deserve to be viewed that way!
To give an example, think of your parents. Many of us see our mothers and fathers as "only" our parents. They are the people we know but don't usually spend too much time thinking about what else they are - other than our parents, that is. They are mothers and fathers, but also sisters, brothers, lovers, fighters, brave leaders, explorers, quiet sufferers, timid introverts, egomaniacs... So many things that we can't even imagine because we would prefer to keep them nicely labeled as "parents" to avoid any confusion.
When we make assumptions we are fulfilling a need to have other people "figured out". We've labelled and categorized them in our heads and placed them in their "rightful place". That's how we try to make sense of the world. It's such a profound need to understand the world that we do a "human thing" and label everything to death.
So perhaps it's time to expand our minds and open up to the fact that we are all many levels, different colors and variations with many traits and personalities - we aren't simply A thing, we are MANY.
I'd like to finish this stream of thoughts off with some lyrics from a popular song back in the day when I was so young I couldn't quite grasp the beauty of this message...
I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing
[Chorus]
Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me
[Chorus]
I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way
Meredith Brooks - Bitch
